Accidentally...Evil? (Accidentally Yours) Read Online Free Page A

commit to a man. Face it: you were born broken.
    Then why are you feeling so strongly for—
    “Well, hellooo there, cutie pie!”
    Gah!
Maggie jumped like a Mexican bean on the creaky dock. The tiny redhead had popped out of nowhere.
    “You scared the lunch noodle out of me, lady.” Maggie clutched a fist over her heart. “Where did you come from?”
    It registered that the woman was wet and nude.
Could this day become any stranger? Or more naked?
    The crazed nudist wiggled her shoulders, “Obviously, I came out of the lake, sugar. Where else? Hey! Why are you on the dock, facing off with The Jungle Book? You must be a fan of anthropomorphic tales! Get it! Tales! Anthropomorphic!” The woman chortled and pointed at the gaggle of assorted animals now perched on the mouth of the dock—that enormous jaguar, a tiny furry pig of some sort, a black and white striped monkey, a bright green parrot, and, yes, to make the ensemble complete, a three-foot-long iguana.
    Each time Maggie attempted to move in their direction, toward land or into the lake, the animals barked, hissed, and growled. Or snorted. Lots of snorting from the little pig thing.
    Like she’d thought, could the day possibly get any stranger? And yes, anthropomorphic?
    “To answer your second ridiculous question,” said the redhead, “of course I know I’m naked. Really now, who wears clothes when they’re in a lake? That would be just weird. Fish don’t wear clothes, do they? On second thought!” She cackled and then doubled over. “That would be so cute! I love the idea. I’ll have Sven, my tailor, make a bunch of miniature tuxedos. Boom! Fish-edos!”
    The woman is out of her ever-loving, nudist screwball mind.
    Well, crazy or not, Maggie needed help. She had to get off that dock before the man with those excessively large muscles and hot, mind-altering kisses returned. Maggie’s drawers could only take so much before they’d disintegrate, her virtue and sanity right along with them.
    The odd woman’s laughter took a sudden nosedive and crashed. “Hey,” she whispered, looking over both shoulders, “did you happen to see my brother? He’s about yea so tall.” She reached for the sky on her tippy toes.
    That’s when Maggie also noticed the woman’s glowing turquoise eyes.
    Heavens to Betsy, she’s his sister?
It made sense. So much goddamned sense.
    Maggie pointed south down the shoreline. “He went thataway.”
    “Fabulous!” The screwball sauntered past Maggie toward the critters, who shrank back.
    This was Maggie’s chance. She took two steps forward, but the woman turned.
    “Uh-uh-uhhhh,” she sang out, wagging her pale index finger at Maggie. “You’re staying put.”
    “But, you can’t leave me here.”
    The woman hee-hawed like a broken donkey. “Oh yes I can, sugar. Because this is your stage and you’re the star of the show. The catalyst. The spark. The
fizzzz
in the Gin Fizzy. Ain’t no party without you.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I don’t have time to explain, doll, but trust me, you and I are going to have loads of time to catch up later.”
    “Huh?” said Maggie.
    “You’ll see. And don’t forget, when the time comes, be sure to follow Chaam. He’s your secret sauce.”
    “Sauce?”
    “You know. The bom in your bomb-bomp-bom-bomp, the ram in your rama-lama-ding-dong.”
    The word
screwball
wouldn’t do. No. Not at all.
    “Ta ta!” The woman waved her hand and skipped down the shore. “And don’t forget,” she called out, “humankind will thank you later!”
    Bat-shit crazy. Yes, that’s it.
    Three hours later
    Chaam’s heart quickened when he neared the lakeside clearing where he’d left Maggie. The “male therapy sessions” had gone rather well, with the exception of the cricket that insisted ladybugs were the “bee’s knees,” some strange bug code for “sexy.” But once he pulled out the big guns—an unbreakable command that embedded itself the male’s subconscious—all was well