Bridesmaids Read Online Free Page A

that she’s joking, but she now has hold of Action Man’s arm in the sort of grip that could get her a job as a parole officer.
    ‘I was just introducing myself to your friend,’ he says, turning back to me. ‘I’m Jack. Lovely to meet you. And hear you.’
    Before I can think of anything to say, Valentina beats me to it.
    ‘Jack, there’s someone you’ve just got to meet,’ she says, pulling on his arm and giving him little choice in the matter.
    So off they go. Action Man and the Amazon.
    Bloody, bloody, bloody hell.

Chapter 10
    What a disaster. In fact, the worst outcome I could have dreamed of. I’d have preferred to discover that Action Man–sorry, Jack–was a trainee monk having just taken a strict vow of celibacy. Or that he was gay. Yes, gay would have been nice. I could have lived with gay.
    Instead, aside from the most obvious issue, i.e. that he’s here on a date with someone else, the fact that that someone else is Valentina is catastrophic. Because, put simply, being a boyfriend of Valentina’s is not exactly a good character reference. I haven’t met a man she’s been out with yet who doesn’t fit every one of the following criteria.
    Must be obsessed with looks–both his own and hers–to a deeply unhealthy degree.
    Must hang on her every word.
    Must remember to make a flattering comment involving her resemblance to some starlet or other as often as possible.
    Finally, and most crucially: Must be as intellectual as the average episode of Teletubbies .
    Action Man, Jack, Whatever Your Name Is: you can be as ruggedly handsome as you like, but unfortunately that’s now about the only positive thing I can say about you.
    I look over to the bar and realise to my horror that Joe, Gareth and Peter are huddled together talking, apparently having formed an Ex-Boyfriends’ Club. Oh deep joy. I can only imagine what the conversation must be. They’re probably comparing voodoo dolls.
    ‘You haven’t seen Grace, have you?’ asks Charlotte, her soft voice snapping me out of my trance. ‘The photographer is waiting for her.’
    ‘I’ll go and look for her,’ I say, glad of a distraction.
    I finally find Grace in the marquee where the wedding breakfast is being prepared.
    ‘Why can’t everything run smoothly?’ she frets. ‘I should be the world authority on wedding etiquette by now, I’ve read so many bridal magazines, but things are still going wrong.’
    My friend is holding a champagne glass in one hand and rocking Scarlett with the other.
    ‘What now?’ I ask.
    ‘There has been a mix-up with the table plans,’ she says, blowing a stray bit of hair from her face. ‘When I faxed them over to the hotel last week, the machine apparently chopped off the edge of the top table, including where Patrick’s mum and dad were meant to be sitting. Now they’ve not set up a table big enough to accommodate them and they can’t change it without dismantling the whole thing.’
    ‘Didn’t they wonder where the groom’s mother and father were?’
    ‘I think they assumed they were dead,’ she says.
    Neither of us can help laughing.
    ‘Well, why don’t Charlotte and I just step down from the top table?’ I suggest. ‘The staff can easily slot us both ontoother tables. That way, Polly can still be up there with you, and there will be enough room for Patrick’s mum and dad.’
    ‘Don’t you mind?’ she asks, looking relieved.
    ‘Of course not,’ I tell her. ‘Rather that than spark a diplomatic incident with your new in-laws.’
    She grabs me and kisses me on the cheek.
    ‘You’re a star, Evie,’ she says. ‘Remind me to ask you to be a bridesmaid at all my future weddings!’
    Only after the photos have been taken do I get to have a look at the amended table plan and realise exactly what I’ve let myself in for.
    They’ve put me next to Jack and Valentina.

Chapter 11
    ‘How is it that there are ninety guests here today and I manage to be put next to Valentina and her trophy