Chameleon On a Kaleidoscope (The Oxygen Thief Diaries) Read Online Free Page B

underline the passion of the first message with the
comparative composure of the second. Why was she so aroused?
Talking on the phone earlier I had made the mistake of mentioning
Dr Susie’s suggestion that I might want to think about online
dating and she immediately hung up. Which was just as well because
I was about to remind her that it was she who insisted I see a
therapist in the first place. If it hadn’t been for her I would
never have even considered online dating. But when she called back
I let the call go to voicemail. Twice. When I felt an urge to call
her back I listened to those messages. They were
my equivalent of a fat person-picture on the
fridge.
    Dr Susie said I looked for
conspiracy everywhere.
    “ Whenever
you’re stressed or overworked you look around for the enemy. That’s
your pattern. You learned it from childhood; abuse from your
teacher, denial from your mother and now you’re doing the same
thing with this guy Andy”
    Andy was the creative
director on Falfaux who very rarely left the building. It seemed to
me that if you were any good at what you did you should be able to
go home every now and then. But not Andy. On weekdays we worked
into the early hours and on weekends we just worked late.He needed
me there because of my experience writing tv commercials and yes I
had a better showreel than him but was there really any need for us
both to be there at 1am on a Friday night? He tried to make it seem
like we were goodpals hanging out together. Just two guys checking
out chicks.
    “ Look at that
ass,” he’d say as one of the junior account girls walked
by,“...look at the swagger, it’s innate”
    “ It’s a
nine.“ I said
    He shook his head in
awe.
    “ That’s why
they pay you the big bucks, buddy.”
    I had actually misheard
him but I he didn’t need to know that. That was when I saw through
him. Why go home to a complaining wife and screaming kids when you
could hang out in trendy office with gorgeous account girls and
your witty Irish art director? I was his creative
butler.
    When I assured Dr Susie I
welcomed the idea of being fired she sighed loudly.
    “ I’m sorry.
You’re stuck.”
    This new candour amazed
me. Was it some sort of technique used by therapists? Remain silent
for the first five sessions then open up with all sorts of
observations? And by encouraging me to remain employed was she
thinking not just of my job but her own? I was after all, her
misery-mortgage.
    “ You look
smaller this time, last time you seemed taller, you stood more
erect, you had greater presence”
    This wasn’t at all like
her. Ordinarily she was much more tactful about making comments of
any kind. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that last time I’d
worn my Brothel Creepers. They add at least an inch to my height. I
was sparing my therapist’s feelings now? This was the equivalent of
neatening the apartment before the cleaner arrived. Something was
wrong. When I first lowered myself into the chair at the beginning
of that session the cushion and arm-rests were scorching hot.
Re-evaluating my near-collision with a huge mannish-looking woman
in the hallway I couldn’t help but wonder if I had inherited some
of the mood from the previous session.
    “ Look,” she
said, shuffling forward in her seat, ” what do you do when you come
to a fork in the road?”
    Was I expected to
answer?
    “ Take
it.”
    I was paying three hundred
and fifty dollars a session for this. Previously, she had appeared
all the more intelligent because she had said so little.
     
    BRIDGIT
    Bridgit’s invitation to
inspect the Celtic pendant around her neck allowed me to touch her
cleavage which ignited the kiss that led to her bed where, in the
throes of fucking her, I noticed a picture of her dad on the
bedside table..
    He looked exactly like me.
My thin-lipped and blue-eyed head lurched forward to fit perfectly
over his before retreating and reappearing.
    Still a novice, not just
to online dating but