didnât go any further than that, I could feel her tightening up, and she said, âArenât you attracted to me?â And then I wasnât hard anymore. Weâve been going out for three months, and Linnie wants to have sex and I canât, and when she finds that out, thereâll be no more cuddling on the sofa.
The customers do not look too angry when I pull up to the curb. Older people like Mr. and Mrs. Lesser tend to be more civil. I jump out of the car to open the door for them, apologizing, waving my arm vaguely and offering the one word, âtraffic,â as an excuse. Iâm not sure how late I am, so I donât want to be too specific.
âWeâd begun to wonder about you,â Mr. L. says. Mrs. L. just smiles at me. With these older couples, the gentleman usually handles complaints.
âI know,â I say gently.
âMy wife left her coat in the car, and here she is, shaking like a leaf in this wind,â Mr. L. says. âAnd paying for the privilege.â
Mrs. L., her arms wrapped around her chest, truly does shake from cold. I reach into the car and get her jacket and put it over her shoulders. Still, she wraps her arms around herself, as if the cold has worked its way into her body and nothing will warm her now. Iâm upset that I let her down. I want to wrap my arms around her, but sheâd have a coronary if I did that. When I offer her my own jacket, I can tell by the way she looks at me that Iâve crossed the line.
Iâm beginning to dread hurting these women almost as much as I dread confessing that I canât get it up. They think Iâm such a catchâthe women I end up with are slightly overweight like Linnie or gangly and bony, which makes them shy about taking off their clothes, which works to my advantage for a whileâand they rush to blame themselves when I breakup with them. I wish I had an excuse that would absolve them as well as me.
When I get back behind the wheel, I apologize again. âItâs notlike me to miss my cue,â I say. âIâll make up to you for that lost time, I promise.â
I hate it when people say the customer is always right, but what they really mean is the verbal equivalent of a shrug: let the idiots have their way. Mr. L. shells out all this money for a limousine, he expects something beyond transportation. The whole experience ought to reek of privilege: smooth driving, no cutting other drivers off or honking the horn, a stocked bar, helpful advice, some genuine concern when he has a particular need or wish.
âIâm putting on the heat,â I say. âWeâll warm you right up, Mrs. Lesser. You just tell me when the temperatureâs comfortable. And how did you like walking down the crookedest street in the world?â
Iâd dropped them off so they could walk down the half-blockor so where Lombard Street is cobbled and coiled like a snake. The line of cars waiting to drive down the few yards of the crookedest street in the world stretched for several blocks, and I figured, why should they have to wait?
âIt wasnât what I thought it would be,â Mrs. L. says.
âBut now you can say youâve done it,â I say. With the tourists, you donât leave out any of the highlights, because they want to go home and say they did everything. So far this afternoon weâve crossed the Golden Gate Bridge and come back, circled up to Twin Peaks, driven through the park, and toured downtown. Renting a limousine for a couple of hours is a good way to familiarize yourself with the city when you first arrive.
âThat wind bites into you,â Mrs. L. says. âYou donât expect it this time of year.â
I nod. âSummer in San Francisco is a rotten surprise.â
Iâm not your talkative type of driver. That kind of thing, where youâre pressing your personal opinions on them and telling them your life story, is just oppressive to the