Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead Read Online Free Page B

hope they don’t do to me what they did last year. Seriously, do I look like a size eight . . . no, Jessica, the gray gives the sky better definition. Emma, please stop dropping the pastels. They’re very expensive. Honestly, Mindy.
    I agreed to this car pool to make my life easier, not harder. But this constant switching around business is a pain. Next year I’m starting a new one.”
    A new car pool with whom? The Mongolian housekeeper down the block? Nobody who spoke English wanted to deal with Beth. Or anyone over a size eight.
    “What switching-around business? I asked you maybe once or twice the whole year!”
    “Not according to my records.” Beth jabbed at her BlackBerry.
    “This problem started on October fourteenth.”
    Ohmygod! She was keeping track? October fourteenth. What was October fourteenth? “Wait. That was Artie’s grandmother’s funeral.”
    “Whatever,” Beth continued, “then in November I had to drive three days in a row.”
    “Yes, because I had to have my gallbladder out.”
    “A totally unnecessary surgery if you followed basic dietary guidelines. All I’m saying is I don’t appreciate being taken for granted. I am not your private chauffeur, and from now on—”
    Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead
    23
    “What?” A f lustered Mindy pretended she was being called.
    “Okay, be there in a sec . . . Beth, sorry, I have to go. Artie is yelling for a plunger . . .” Because I can’t take your shit!
    “Did you call her?” Artie yelled from upstairs.
    “Oh yes.” Mindy raced to the foyer. “And not only did she accuse me of being a food whore who treats her like a chauffeur, she’s threatening to take her car pool business elsewhere.”
    “She said that? Wow! Call Morgan Freeman. Tell him we’ve got an idea for a sequel called Driving Miss Crazy. ”
    “Exactly!” She laughed. “Now do I have your permission to kill her?”
    “Not until the country-club jails get Tivo . . . but what did she say? Will she drive?”
    “Nope. She requires a week’s notice in writing. Of course that’s never the case when she needs a favor. I swear she is the worst person ever, and don’t you dare start defending her.”
    “I’m not. But remember how nice she was when my grandmother died? She made that amazing dinner so we could eat when we got home from the cemetery. And that time Ricky’s igloo collapsed the night before it was due? She spent hours helping him rebuild it.”
    “Fine, so she occasionally acts nice. I still hate her and would appreciate it if you—” The phone rang. “Oh, joy. Twenty bucks says it’s her calling with more accusations.”
    “Why don’t you let me handle this?” Artie followed Mindy into the kitchen. “I know she intimidates you.”
    “She does not!” Mindy took a deep breath. “She just scares the crap out of me, but this time I’m going to speak my mind.”
    “Right.” Artie rolled his eyes.
    “I’ve decided that I will drive today because you’re giving me no choice,” Beth started in. “But there is a way you can make it up to me.”
    Raise your girls so you have more time to shop? “Sure. Anything.”
    24
    Saralee Rosenberg
    “It so happens I will not be available to drive on April twelfth.”
    “No problem.” In most states , car pool changes aren’t even misde-meanors .
    “Actually, I will be in Chicago on business and I’m not sure what day I’m getting back.”
    Beth had business in Chicago? Wasn’t that generally limited to people who worked? “Are you going to one of Richard’s conventions?”
    “Frankly, I don’t see what concern it is of yours why I’m going, but if you must pry, I’ve been invited to participate in a creative competition sponsored by a Fortune 500 company.”
    “Oh God.” Mindy collapsed in a kitchen chair. “The one from Downtown Greetings?”
    “Yes. How did you know?”
    “Go get the letter!” Mindy ordered Artie. “Run!” She watched him scurry off. “Faster . . . The reason I know about