Death Will Get You Sober: A New York Mystery; Bruce Kohler #1 (Bruce Kohler Series) Read Online Free Page B

feet. I’d forgotten about the paper slippers.
    “Well, well. Happy New Year!” She grinned widely.
    I did my best not to look flustered. Keeping Barbara off balance is both an art and a necessity.
    “Happy New Year to you too.” I sounded more sardonic than I felt. Okay, so I was glad to see her. “I know you knew I was here, because Jimmy tells you everything.”
    “Only what he knows will interest me.” She hugged me again.
    I squeezed back. Every time Barbara and I got within hugging distance, I could see her wondering if I remembered the one time we ended up in bed together. I think she just wanted all of us to love each other. Knowing Jimmy, she should have known better. My excuse was the usual. Barbara probably hoped I was in a blackout at the time. And Jimmy didn’t know. Best for all concerned. Her feelings for me were about ninety percent sisterly these days. Mine for her were purely brotherly. I think.
    Hieronimo still stood there looking bewildered.
    “Go see Bark, son,” I advised him over Barbara’s shoulder. “He’ll straighten you out.”
    “How are you doing, baby?” Barbara asked when Hieronimo had strutted off like a bantam cock. “In detox on the Bowery over Christmas, that’s got to be some kind of record.”
    “Not my best Christmas,” I admitted. “How’s the big guy?”
    “He’s good. Santa brought him some new toys for his time machine and he’s hardly been up for air since.” Jimmy’s passions were history and computers. “Have you gone out on pass?”
    “Not yet. I’ll call Jimmy. Or I might go see Laura.” Laura was my ex-wife, of whom Barbara was not very fond. It had gotten worse since she learned how to diagnose bipolar disorder, borderline personality, and anorexia.
    “Decisions, decisions. Go to a meeting or get laid for New Year’s. Hmm, which one will you choose?”
    “Sometimes I think Jimmy is right when he says you’ll say anything. Sometimes it’s not as endearing as you think it is.”
    Barbara clapped a hand over her mouth.
    “I’m sorry! There I go again. Jimmy thinks mentioning anything personal is like going out without your underwear. You know how Irish Catholic he can get. And sometimes I go all Jewish and overcompensate.”
    Now I felt guilty.
    “I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to zing you. I’m glad you came to see me.”
    “I’m really here because I have a lunch date with Charmaine.” Yeah, right. “But can we go into a corner and talk for a few minutes?”
    “I bow to the inevitable.”
    “Anywhere but the smoking room.”
    We ducked into the laundry room. The load jouncing around in the washer made it a little noisy, but nobody would bother us for seventeen minutes.
    “So tell me what happened.”
    “I don’t know what happened. I was in a blackout. I woke up here.”
    “And how are you feeling?”
    “Fine.”
    “Come on, Bruce, this is me. Cut the crap. This has got to be a new low for you. Is there any chance at all you’ve finally hit bottom?”
    “If scolding ever got an alcoholic sober, you’d be out of a career.”
    “I know, I know. It just exasperates me to see you throwing your life away.”
    I decided to change the subject.
    “Hey, guess what. I found a body.”
    “What?”
    “Fact. An old guy dropped dead right here in this laundry room the other night. I found him.”
    “What on earth were you doing in here in the middle of the night?”
    I looked at her reproachfully. “My laundry. Have a little faith.”
    “Where have I heard that before?”
    “Oh, Barbara, Barbara. You know me too well.” That wasn’t too manipulative, since she knew I knew she was a sucker for flattery. Besides, it was true.
    “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Go on. Were you upset?”
    “More taken aback, I guess. I just came in to do my wash and stumbled over a corpse.”
    “Oh, poor Bruce!”
    “I’d say poor Elwood.”
    “Elwood? I think I knew him. Elderly gent from Alabama, they called him Mudbone?”
    “That’s