Diary of a Chav Read Online Free Page B

sees Carrie and he looked well happy and he’s like, “All right darling, how’s it going?”
    And Carrie goes, “Aw not bad, Cotch, just shopping!” Then she puts her head to the side and made her voice all softer and said, “’Ere Cotch, how’s your mum doing?”
    So Cotch starts telling Carrie all about his mum who’s had some kind of blood cancer thingy and Carrie’s saying all the right things back like, “Well, Cotch, it sounds like the doctors know what they’re doing,” and “’Ere, well tell her that me and my mum and dad are all thinking of her.”
    After about five minutes, Cotch walked off saying he was dead happy to have bumped into Carrie and he’ll IM her or comment on her MySpace pics. Then Carrie put her arm through mine and dragged me to H&M to look at the earrings, and as we walked to H&M I was thinking to myself, why can’t I do that with boys? Why can I never think of the right thing to say?
    SUNDAY 13TH JANUARY
    Nan came over for Sunday dinner today. We had chicken and roast potatoes and carrots and Brussels sprouts and peas and gravy, which was nice ’cos Nan cooked most of it. When I woke up at 10 AM I could smell the chicken cooking and hear my mum giving my dad earache to take the trash bag out and Cava-Sue singing in the shower and Murphy throwing squeezie Bart Simpson down the hallway for Penny and I don’t know why that made me feel happy but it did.
    When no one was listening, I told Nan that I was writing in the diary but it was A SECRET.
    Nan says that my secret is safe with her and that she is glad as I was always good at writing when I was little and had a good imagination too. Nan said she always remembers how once when I was little I locked Murphy in the under-the-stairs cupboard and told everyone he had run away with some pikeys in long capes and long flappy shoes in a big yellow car with a loud horn.
    Nan says everyone laughed their bleeding heads off ’cos they could totally hear Murphy crying and when they opened the cupboard and all looked inside he screamed the house down even more. Nan says that I told everyone that the pikeys must have changed their minds and put Murphy in the cupboard instead. Nan says I’ve always been “sharp as a tack.” I’m not sure how this story proves that ’cos I’ve heard it like a hundred times now and I still think it makes me sound like someone who ends up in special ed.
    Me and Cava-Sue washed up then and listened to Dave Pearce dance anthems in our room like we always do on Sunday. It’s not as much fun now ’cos Cava-Sue reckons she doesn’t know any of the songs anymore as they’re all “commercial” and that. Cava-Sue doesn’t want to sing along with me anymore and she definitely doesn’t want do any “hands in the air” bits.
    Cava-Sue said she’d rather listen to bands that no one has heard of ’cos it makes it more special. It’s dead weird ’cos the more clever stuff Cava-Sue learns at college, the more thick things she says. Who wants to listen to a band that no one has heard of?
    MONDAY 14TH JANUARY
    BIG GOSSIP TODAY. Latoya Bell says that Kezia Marshall thinks she’s PREGNANT! Latoya says Kezia was crying in the nurse’s office this afternoon when Latoya went in to get an Advil for period pain. Latoya, who is a right gobby cow, says she saw Kezia in the nurse’s “advice” armchair and the nurse with the calendar out, counting days. I don’t know how this proves Kezia is having a baby but it seems to be enough for Latoya, who is telling everyone in Mayflower and saying Kezia is a slut. Latoya Bell said to me in the lunch line that at Uma’s New Year party she saw Luther going into the laundry room with Kezia then shutting the door and coming out laughing.
    Latoya thinks I am her friend but I’m not. I just pretend to be ’cos I saw what she did to Chenai Green when Chenai and Latoya stopped being friends. All that stuff with the fake MySpace and the text messages. That was nasty. It’s easier