sister lives in California near my parents. She’s the only married one, much to my mother
disappointment.”
“You all live so far apart,” she
said, looking sad for me. “My parents
are so close I could see them every day if I wanted.”
“Some families are better living far
apart.” It was definitely true in my
case. I couldn’t stand my mom’s content
questions about my private life or my father’s determination to interrogate me
about BGP. It was worse since what had happened with Adrianna. I’d been weakened in their view which only
made family life more difficult.
“That’s sad. I always want to be close to my mum and dad,”
Rebecca said.
“You’re younger.” I remembered the 9
year gap I’d worked out there was between us. “They’ve had less time to annoy you.” It was an attempt at humour that fell flat.
“Everyone’s families are different,”
she said cautiously, as if she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
“Yes. I can’t fault them for their willingness to back me financially or their
drive to help me succeed.”
“They’ve done a good job,” Rebecca
said with a small smile. “You’re a good
man.” Her words shocked me.
“Am I?”
“You don’t think you are?”
I was rescued by the server arriving
with our food and I managed to steer the conversation away from the mine-field
of my self-opinion while we ate.
It was after our plates had been
cleared that Rebecca started to ask questions again.
“So, your rule…” she said, swirling
the straw around in her drink, avoiding my gaze.
“Yes.”
“Why do you have it?” Her eyes flicked to mine, curious and
cautious, obviously aware that it wasn’t a subject I relished.
“Because I don’t want the women I
sleep with to get attached and I’ve found that they’re more likely to if I
sleep with them three times or more.”
“That seems like a bit of a
generalisation,” she said, frowning.
“It’s my experience.”
“So it’s all about their feelings?”
“Not all, but
mostly.” I felt as though she were peeling me up at
the corners and peeking underneath, and I didn’t want her to catch a glimpse of
my demons and think the worst of me. I
held my weaknesses in a tightly sealed box that even I didn’t want to open
because of the shame.
“So it’s about your feelings too?”
“You should have been a
psychologist,” I said dryly, sipping my whisky.
“Maybe,” she smiled. “Why don’t you want to get attached?”
“Because I have a
busy life with lots of responsibilities and people who are relying on me. I don’t have time for attachments or complex relationship politics. Women can be hard work so casual sex suits my
lifestyle.”
“ Mmm ,” she
said, looking thoughtful. “Doesn’t it
get lonely?”
“Not really. I have lots of friends and acquaintances, and
a work life that keeps me exceptionally busy.”
“But no intimacy?”
“It’s overrated,” I said, thinking
back to the last time I made love to Adrianna before I found out the
truth. I’d looked down at her face as
she came, and I remember the rush of love and adoration I felt, but it had been
for nothing; a figment of my imagination born of my foolish trust.
Rebecca took a long drink and then
gazed out of the window, her eyes following a sight-seeing boat that was
navigating the Thames. “You know, you’re
the first person I’ve had sex with outside of a committed relationship.” Her eyes
met mine and then returned to the view.
“I didn’t know that,” I said, happy
at the knowledge and then annoyed at the way my mind was working. It shouldn’t matter to me either way if I was
sticking with the plan. No emotions, no
regrets. The rule was fool proof.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for
one-night stands,” she said.
“Technically it was twice.”
“I don’t think that makes a
difference.”
“Why did you do it then, if it was so
out