Forbidden Love (Sapphic Historical) Read Online Free Page B

someone else out there who knew was comforting.
     
    I helped Helen boil some water for our baths, the two of us shivering in our sodden clothes, and afterwards we sat huddled in the kitchen, sipping tea.
     
    “How will we get to work tomorrow?” I asked on a shiver, looking out of the kitchen’s tiny window at the thick snowfall.
     
    “We’ll see – likely it’ll get worse overnight,” Helen sighed, and then she rose, taking our cups to the sink.
     
    We climbed the stairs together and I hesitated before entering her room.
     
    “I should sleep in your brothers’ room tonight seeing as they’re away – you’ll have the bed to yourself for once...”
     
    “You won’t want to go in there,” Helen snorted. “Those lot are as filthy as they come.
     
    Besides, on cold nights like these, a warm body beside you is a glad thing.”
     
    Although I knew she spoke innocently, I felt my face warm, and offered a few half-hearted demurs before joining her, sighing in pleasure as my back met the softness of the familiar mattress a few minutes later.
     
    “Did you leave a girl back home, then?”
     
    I started at the casual, blasé question, having been on the edge of sleep.
     
    “I did hear your right, didn’t I?” Helen continued.
     
    Strangely, I didn’t feel embarrassed at her words. “No – that is, you aren’t mistaken. But I didn’t leave a – a woman behind.”
     
    “Strange, ain’t it? I always used to think I was the only one who felt this way – I reckon our kind are more common than we think,” Helen mused.
     
    “When did you know?” I asked timidly then. “About how you felt?”
     
    “Lord knows,” Helen scoffed. “Kissed my first girl when I was young enough so suspect I always knew. Had some men I went about with, too. Just for appearances sake, you know – or at least, later it was for that. At first I went about with them because I hoped I’d change – how I felt, that is.”
     
    I understood her all too well.
     
    Helen shifted until she was on her side, facing me in the moonlit room, and our eyes met. “I imagine your mum will be looking to secure you a husband soon enough,” she mused then, and I shuddered.
     
    “She can try as much as she wants – I shan’t marry,” I said defiantly, and she smiled a little patronisingly, I thought.
     
    “You’ve never had a woman, have you,” she said, and it was more a statement than a question.
     
    “Of course I have,” I assured quickly, and this time her words embarrassed me. “I’ve – well, I’ve kissed one before.”
     
    “Well…that ain’t really what I meant,” Helen laughed. “But my point was, you’ll change your mind and settle down with a respectable man,” she patted my shoulder companionably.
     
    “Just because I haven’t – haven’t lain with a woman before, it doesn’t mean I don’t know my own mind.”
     
    “Well, maybe so, but a few stolen kisses ain’t the same as knowing a woman intimately,”
     
    Helen retorted stubbornly, and I bristled at her superior tone. “It’s always the same story – you’ll wed a nice, wealthy gentleman and that’ll be that. I’m just speaking from experience, so there’s no need to get huffy. Not from my experience, of course, but some women like the idea of bedding another woman and nothing more. When it goes beyond kissing and a bit of petting, they’re quick to change their minds.”
     
    Well, those women were certainly fools, I thought in wonder.
     
    “I don’t see why it matters, anyway,” I grumbled then. “I shall probably never find someone as it is and shall remain ignorant of such things.”
     
    “Oh? And what things are you wondering about?”
     
    I knew she was goading me, but in the dark bedroom, with the two of us alone in the house, I felt like I could speak freely – as if we’d wake up tomorrow and none of this would have been real, that the memory of this conversation would merely disappear with the melting snow.