Goddess Read Online Free Page B

seen.’
    Her gaze intensified as the air seemed to thicken around them. ‘I’ve never seen any indication of this admiration you speak of. I have craved your approval for so long—why are you only giving it now?’
    Lazar felt unnerved by her honesty but there was nothing to lose. He might never again have the opportunity to be equally candid. ‘Because you focused on the petty squabbles within the harem as being important, instead of looking outwards to what was crucial—Percheron’s welfare. Our personal history with each other is long, Valide, but you have wanted something from me that I would have been more insane than Pez to give you. That aside, if only you’d put that bright, sharp mind of yours to Zar Boaz’s needs instead of using your cunning to bring down a mere odalisque or to hurt the Zar’s loyal soldier servant, the realm would not now be facing war.’
    She stood, her expression incredulous, her hand flat against her chest as though she were suddenly breathless. ‘You blame me for the Galinsean threat?’
    ‘Partly. You and your cruel, effeminate sidekick. If you had not pushed Ana so hard, frightened her so much, she would not have tried to escape the harem that first time. And if you had not campaigned for her punishment quite so enthusiastically, I mightnot have had to offer myself in her place. And if I hadn’t done so, Salmeo may not have felt sufficiently maligned to manipulate the use of the Viper’s Nest or the drezden poisoning…and Horz, a very good man, need not have died, and Jumo would not have rushed off to find my family.’
    ‘You have no proof of the chief eunuch’s involvement.’
    Lazar shook his head sadly. ‘And still we both know it to be true. It’s an old gripe. We can’t change what’s gone but its effects linger. Here I am useless to Percheron for the second time because of the sickness that the drezden provokes.’
    ‘I don’t understand this malady of yours—what is drezden? I believed you were avoiding the palace because you were so angry about what occurred in the desert.’
    ‘Nothing so simple. The drezden that was used on the whip has weakened me for the rest of my life and lives alongside me. Whenever I am physically tested I suspect it re-emerges to claim my body again. The long trek, on foot, back from the desert tested me.’ He shrugged.
    Now Herezah really did appear shocked. She sat on the side of the rumpled bed, laid a manicured hand against his arm. ‘You mean you will never be rid of this sickness?’
    He shook his head. ‘It follows me, hangs around and within me. It waits until I’m weakened and then strikes.’
    Herezah turned away. ‘I had no idea.’
    ‘What is done, is done. We cannot change it. But you can change…you can help your son shape a future.’
    Lazar had been slowly pulling himself up, the emotion behind his words charging him, giving him a false energy. He groaned and fell back on his bed. ‘I’m afraid I remain useless.’
    ‘No. This cannot continue,’ Herezah said briskly. ‘We’re going to get you well, Lazar, and you are going to help Boaz. You are wallowing here. You said I can change; well, here’s the first of my changes.’ She strode, despite her limp, to the windows and pulled back all the shutters, ignoring Lazar’s protests as he hid beneath the sheets, covering his eyes from the agony of light.
    Get rid of her! Pez suddenly burst into his mind. The magic dwindles!
    ‘Valide, please, I—’
    ‘Don’t argue, Lazar.’ She had continued throwing open shutters around the room. Now she marched to the doors and flung those back too. She issued crisp orders at the Elim before turning to the shape beneath the sheets. ‘I shall see you back at the palace, Spur. Ready yourself. I am going to nurse you back to full health.’ She left him with that terrifying notion, slamming the doors shut behind her.
    Pez winked back into existence on the other side of the bed. ‘That was close.’
    ‘What did she