Her Grace's Stable: A Jane Austen Space Opera, Book 2 Read Online Free Page B

fear. It’s too soon for me to die. I have too much to do.
    Pacing only reminded her of her body’s failings. Her knee began to ache after such relentless activity without the rest her body so desperately needed but refused. Even nightmares from the old days came back to haunt her, the explosions and screams of war she hadn’t suffered in ten years or more.
    She missed Cole’s warmth beside her. The soft sigh of his breathing, the sweet way he tucked his face against her neck. It wasn’t intercourse that she missed, but the intimacy. His arms wrapped around her, his hands gliding over her back, the sleepy, tousled smile in the morning. She ached to hold him while she whispered the truth about why she’d freed him from her collar and command.
    Why I kicked him from my bed when I need him the most.
    A slight noise outside her door drew her attention. If she’d been asleep, she never would have heard it. She strode over and opened the door, unsurprised to see Cole hunkering down like he intended to sleep on the floor.
    He straightened immediately, but couldn’t meet her gaze. He was dressed in plain clothes, not his livery, shirt untucked and loose at the neck. Barefoot and rumpled, he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and tugged on the nearest clothes for an emergency in the stable.
    Silently, she held open the door and he came inside, moving slower, with a catch in his step like he hurt inside.
    He’s been with Arthur. He must have left the ring with me and gone straight to him.
    Staring down at the floor, he whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you, Your Grace.”
    “It’s all right.” She kept her voice light despite the heaviness in her heart. In all the years he’d been in her service, he’d never refused to look at her. She’d freed him against his will, and he’d found Arthur on his own. But that didn’t mean Cole still didn’t long for what they’d had. As I long for him, forlorn without him beside me. “I couldn’t sleep either. I might not be your mistress outside the ring, but am I not still your friend? There’s no need for formality in my bedchamber.”
    Finally, he lifted his gaze to hers, his face etched with guilt and misery.
    She hated that look in his eyes. Immediately, she reached out to him, and he sagged into her embrace, burying his face against her. “Did he hurt you?”
    “I’m just sore.” His hands trembled on her back. “Violet.”
    Her name came out a plea, quivering with pent-up regrets and unspoken need. It probably should have upset her that her ex-lover had come to her after finding pleasure in another man’s bed, but she couldn’t fault Cole for doing exactly what she’d told him to do. He wanted Arthur; that had been obvious from the beginning. I can’t be all he needs. It’s better this way.
    Yet cruel talons still shredded her heart. From his tears, Cole was feeling the same agony. She ought to have ceased their activities in the ring when she’d taken back her collar, but she hadn’t been able to bear the misery on his face. He needed to be a pony and right now, she was the only mistress he had. However, each session in the ring made it harder for them both to make good-bye final.
    Without pushing for details, she drew him to bed. He needed comforting, as did she. She stroked his back until his hands ceased shaking. He’d bathed, but she caught the faint scent of the other man on his hair. Images seared her mind. She didn’t have to ask Cole—she knew full well how Arthur had taken him. He was all stallion, wild and untamed. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—have been gentle. He probably needed help reining himself in to maximize his partner’s comfort and pleasure.
    I could…
    Stricken, she clutched Cole tighter and he made no protest. I can’t. I can’t help Arthur control himself because I may not live long enough to even see Cole safe and happy.
    “I’ve never bottomed before,” Cole whispered, his voice hoarse and muffled against her