Innocence Read Online Free Page B

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    I want something , but I don’t know whether it’s Finn. Mostly I think I want Finn to want me . I like the idea of him wanting me. I like the idea of being desirable. But I’m not sure if I desire him completely. My body clearly does but… I don’t know… it’s as if something’s missing.
    I thought this would all be clearer, and wanting someone would be straightforward, like a bolt of lightning from my heart to my balls.
    Slinging his arm around my shoulder as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, Finn guides me forwards and closes the door.
    Once we’re inside, “What are you thinking about?” he whispers against my ear before sucking my earlobe lightly, then leaving me not breathing against the closed door as he crosses the small space into the kitchen area. “You look scared half to death.”
    I glance around, trying to collect myself. The caravan is bare and stale smelling, the furnishings old and faded as though they’ve been here for a very long time. As on our boat, a long padded seat curves round the room from one side to the other. A table is bolted to the floor in front of it.
    Finn takes a beer and a cider out of the fridge and hands me the cider. “Don’t worry, I didn’t bring you here to fuck. Though….” He laughs—maybe at my expression, I don’t know. “We’ve got some time to kill. Logan and Chase aren’t back yet.”
    I swallow uncomfortably. He sits down in the center of the padded seat, holding the can in his hands, and pats the fabric next to him.
    Mostly I don’t want to sit down with him. Mostly I want to want to walk out the door and across the sunlit fields until my legs give way beneath me. But I also do want to be here, and I want this job, whatever it is.
    I try to calm down as he settles his arms around me and leans his face into my neck.
    “Relax,” he whispers against my skin, popping the pull of my cider with one hand and urging me to drink it.
    I squirm away to down the liquid, feeling how quickly the wooziness races through me, how it smoothes out all the uncertainty into okayness.
    I place the empty can on the table and let him pull me back. He puts my hand on the crotch of his jeans to stroke the stiffness there.
    His forcefulness is not turning me on, and I struggle up, mumbling something about needing a bit of fresh air. But with the wiry strength evident in his lean frame he pulls me back down and kisses my open mouth, causing some distant fire to flare within me, and in a most primitive way, I find myself not thinking and at last desperately wanting the skin contact as he pushes my T-shirt up along with his own and lies on top of me.
    It is nothing like I thought it would be. It’s not so different from being on my own, more like an extension of it, except for the way Finn pants hot, heavy breaths against my chest and moans. We get closer and more naked, and eventually I let him finger me, shifting as he pushes my knees up to my chest while biting his lip and groaning. He jacks himself with one hand and gazes at the spit-slicked finger of the other slipping in and out of my hole. It’s kinda uncomfortable, but nothing I haven’t done to myself before. I jerk myself off as he does it, closing my eyes and thinking how much this reminds me of the few porn shots I’ve seen, one guy seeming more into what’s going on than the other.
    After, he lies next to me and his breathing slows enough for me to think he’s gone to sleep. I long to be back by the river. I’ve never wanted to swim and clean away this grime and sweat as much as I do right now. Finn’s come is drying against my stomach, and I just want to wash it off.
    An hour later we dress without washing and Finn knocks on the door of the next caravan over. Rectangles of brown cardboard cover all the windows. Without waiting for the door to be opened, Finn lets himself in.
    A skinny half-naked guy looms out of the darkness, a fat cigarette hanging between his fingers. He holds it out to