Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Read Online Free Page A

purpose?”
    “Yeah, I have been,” I admit. “I didn’t want to tell you that I’m not coming home for spring break,” I tell her, ripping the bandage off in one fell swoop.
    “What?” she shrieks. I stop short of my classroom and duck into a small alcove, taking a seat on the couch. “Are you kidding me? You didn’t come home for Christmas and now you’re not coming home for spring break. What the hell, Jessa?”
    “I’m sorry, Nat. I just have too much stuff going on here and I can’t leave for the week,” I tell her, burring my face in my hand, feeling guilty as hell for ditching out of my Maid of Honor duties again.
    “ You have too much stuff going on, or Paxton does and you can’t separate yourself from him for a couple of days? You have a week off of school, you don’t have a job, so don’t tell me you have too much stuff going on. Jesus, you seriously can’t tear yourself away from him for a week?”
    “That’s great, coming from you. Do you know how many times you’ve blown me off for Luke?” I say, avoiding and deflecting, which isn’t fair. “The guys have a show that week that they can’t get out of – it’s being filmed and recorded. It’s a big deal.”
    “And you have to be there… why?”
    “I have to be here because Paxton won’t stay here if I leave. I’m not going to fuck this up for all of them.”
    “God, Jessa. I don’t even know what to say to that. Your whole life revolves around him. You don’t do anything anymore unless it’s for him,” she tells me, clearly livid. Which she has the right to be. I know what I’m doing is crappy, but seriously, this speech she’s giving me is ridiculous considering her own behavior over the past year. But I know that’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because I don’t want to admit that she’s right. I don’t do anything anymore if it’s not for Paxton, which is a situation I’m fine with, but I know that it’s not fair to her.
    “You have seven other bridesmaids. I’m sure between the eight of you can figure shit out without my assistance.”
    Nat sucks in a breath and I immediately wish I could take my words back. “You’re right, Jessa, I don’t need you here. Clearly, I have been doing just fine without your help. And I do have seven other bridesmaids, but you and Emily are the only ones that I really want there with me. You have been my best friend my whole life. I have been dreaming about this day since we were kids. And in all the fantasies I’ve ever had, never, not in one of them, did I imagine doing this without you. I didn’t know who I would be marrying, all I knew is that you would be standing beside me. So forgive me for being so needy and demanding. I thought you gave a shit, but clearly I was wrong.”
    I keep myself buried under my arm. I feel awful. “I’m sorry, Nat. I’m feeling shitty about the fact that I haven’t been home and I’m putting my crap on you. It’s wrong, and I’m sorry. I love you, I want to be there with you. I’ll come home, I just can’t do it that week. Maybe Paxton can drive me home for a long weekend at the end of the month.”
    “Awesome. So if I want to spend a few days with you it has to be with him too?”
    “If you want me home he has to bring me. I don’t have a car,” I mutter.
    She lets out a disbelieving laugh. “I don’t get it, Jessa,” she tells me, the anger still very clear in her voice. “How you went so quickly from the number one advocate of non-commitment to the poster girl for pathetically whipped girlfriends of America. It’s clear that he is the only thing you care about right now and I don’t want you here when you don’t want to be here so don’t worry about coming home. If you can manage to get here for the wedding that would be great but I totally understand if Paxton’s band has a show that weekend. I know you can’t miss a minute of his life for me.”
    “Nat…” I plead, but the line is dead. “Shit,” I mutter,