the past or one of us mentioning Stellan. Neither of us wanted that, so we remained at a distance. I had distanced myself from nearly everyone, actually; grieving was easier in solitude.
I was glad Emera wasn’t staying in the palace. Brielle’s cousin on her late father’s side, Em had spent seventeen years in Fire Prison, located in the Element Fairy Realm. She had been used as leverage against Queen Taryn. The Element fairies had threatened to kill her whenever they wanted something. The late queen had gone to great lengths to ensure her niece’s survival but refused to end the war in exchange for her safety. Because of this, Emera wasn’t ready to face her royal family in Tarlore. When news came of Queen Taryn’s murder, she chose to stay in Birchwood rather than accompany Nathan and me to the palace.
I was grateful for that now. She was harder to keep secrets from and, as a lover of adventure, she would have jumped at the chance to join us on the journey through the Realms. But Emera had gone through enough during her stay in prison, and I would never jeopardize her life by allowing her to come along. She deserved rest.
I wasn’t looking forward to spending the coming days or weeks – however long it took to reach the Golden Fairy Realm – with any of the three in my group. I loved Nathan but I didn’t want to lose myself in him. I had to be strong on my own if I was to make it on this journey. I valued my friends but still didn’t trust them completely. I didn’t know if our journey would change any of that, but I wasn’t optimistic. I wasn’t optimistic about much these days except ending the war. When it came to that, I refused to accept the possibility of failure. I couldn’t fail at my destiny.
By the time I sat down to dinner, concern over the potential dangers associated with our journey had begun to affect me. I tried my best to push away the worrisome thoughts and enjoy my last formal meal in the palace. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of fright. I was afraid not only for my own safety but also for the safety of those who were journeying with me. I had gotten them into this mess. I was the reason they were taking on this mission. I couldn’t let them down. This great responsibility to them and the even greater responsibility to the whole Elf Realm weighed heavily on my shoulders.
But backing out wasn’t an option.
As my thoughts battled, elves were laughing, sipping wine, and having a good time. Even Queen Brielle, still deep in mourning, was able to show a few smiles. She had always been the life of the party. Why couldn’t I smile, though? I had lost many dear friends recently, but so had others seated at this table. Yet I was the only one deep in thought, thinking about how soon death could befall me and my friends.
Nathan leaned over and his lips brushed my ear. I shivered. My mood had shifted from dismissal to yearning, as it often did throughout the day. I was constantly changing my mind about him. Right now, I wanted to feel his fingers entwined with mine and his lips against my skin. “What do you say we leave dinner early?” he whispered.
For the first time during dinner, I smiled. “Sounds good,” I admitted.
Nathan always knew what I was feeling. It was both comforting and scary; sometimes it was hard to be that vulnerable with someone, even someone I loved with my whole heart.
He nodded in response and took my hand. After excusing us from the table, he led me through the hallways and out the palace doors. I breathed in the fresh air, trying to let the cool feeling calm my nerves and worries. The night was crisp and chilly, and the moon shone brightly in the starry sky. Everything was peaceful…except me. On the inside I was screaming.
We stood before the bridge that connected the palace with the city of Tarlore. The several narrow streams flowing beneath the bridge and around the palace sparkled and shone in the moonlight. I could hear trickles of water passing