Live Like You Were Dying Read Online Free Page B

had done my mother in; I was sure of it. Now it was time for me to do what she should have done before her veins became bruised, squiggly lines that looked like worms beneath a layer of thin skin. It was time to break free and run.
    Heather never said a word as I slipped into the driver’s seat of our car. She knew me well enough to know that driving was something I had to do, something I could still control. We left the parking lot and drove in silence back to the bedroom community that housed Atlanta’s businesspeople, a world that I increasingly felt was not my own. —
    Following the doctor’s appointment, I couldn’t sleep at all. After tossing for half the night, I finally got out of bed at 4:30 and reached for the medicine that had always helped to soothe me in the past: work. I didn’t tell Heather I was planning on returning to the mill because I knew that I’d never hear the end of it.
    â€œWhat in the world are you doing?” she asked, squinting in the harsh bathroom light.
    With toothbrush in hand, I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I’m just going in for a little while.”
    â€œWhat?” Her voice was loud and her stance at the door told me that she was not giving in. “It’s not even daylight outside.” She glanced down at my work boots and threw her hands up in the air. “Unbelievable.”
    Following her back into the bedroom, I pulled a shirt from the closet and slapped the watch on my wrist.
    â€œYou know, the doctor hasn’t signed a release for you to return to work yet.”
    â€œThat hasn’t stopped me before now.”
    Heather yanked the blanket from the bed. “Why are you doing this, Nathan? Did Jay say something the other day?” “No, Jay said nothing. Look, it’s me. I need to work, Heather. If you want me sane, I need to work.”
    â€œSo this is what you’re going to do? You’re going to go hide out at the job site every day instead of making a decision about what the doctors said.”
    I finished buttoning my shirt and flipped off the light switch, hoping that it would turn off the conversation too. “No sir,” Heather said and flipped the light switch back on. “You’re not getting away with this. For once, Nathan, think about someone other than yourself.”
    Her words pounded up against me until my chest ached even more. “What do you mean?”
    â€œI have watched you put that job first so many times that I can’t even count them anymore. You’ve never once thought of the cost to me or Malley.”
    â€œWhat are you talking about? I work like a dog to provide for my family.”
    â€œYou’re talking about things. I’m talking about your presence in this house. You know, it’s funny: I thought the one good thing that could come out of your accident was being able to have you around more often. And now, here you are, wanting to run right back to work.”
    Heather pushed me away when I tried to hug her. “Don’t, Nathan. Don’t patronize me. I won’t stand here and watch you kill yourself. I refuse.” She turned off the light and fell into bed, pulling the sheet up around her neck.
    The ticking of the hallway clock let me know that time had not stood frozen. I eased out of the bedroom and contemplated still going into work, but Heather’s words kept me fenced for the time being. Outside, the stars were fading, and a turquoise color was rising up against the dark sky. An early-morning chill snapped me back to life. Heather had never understood why I needed to work harder than most. She had a college degree. My shortcut to the working world ended up being a shortfall for my self-esteem. Success at work was the adrenaline I craved, an assurance that I was not a failure in a world where opinions about men were made based on which engineering school they attended.
    A cloud of tension hung over the breakfast table that