Lullaby Girl Read Online Free Page A

man. ‘Pretty girl like you.’ He reaches out. A big, red, hairy hand. I watch it comin’, in slow motion. All the way to my face. Closer. Closer.
    Somethin’ electric goes through me. Suddenly I’m movin’. My chair goes over, knockin’ a mug off the table. It smashes. Tea goes everywhere. Over their shoes, into my socks, over the cam’ra, under the sofa. People suck in breath. I stand behind Rhona, shakin’.
    ‘I wouldn’t try that again, if I were you,’ Rhona snaps. Silence rings out. The man blushes.
    ‘All right, gents. I believe that’s enough for today,’ says Mrs Laird. She takes ’em away.
    Later, I tell Rhona I won’t see any more newspaper men.
    ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she says. ‘I think it might good for you.’
    I glare.
    ‘Meeting folk is good for your recovery.’ she says. ‘The Western Courier guys are a bit annoying, but—’
    ‘I won’t do it again,’ I growl. ‘I’ll run away.’
    Rhona puts her hands down flat.
    ‘Where would you run to?’ she asks quietly.
    I look at her. I can’t work out if she’s angry. She stares back. But the moment passes.
    ‘You know, running away never solves anything,’ says Rhona. ‘You can’t spend your whole life in the conservatory. We’re here to help you. Mrs Laird, Caroline, Joyce …’
    I make a face. Joyce is the lady with red glasses.
    ‘Then there’s Dr Harrison, who was here last week. You remember the woman who made you go to sleep?’
    I glare at Rhona.
    ‘Don’t need any of you,’ I say, though I know that’s not true. I need Rhona quite a lot.
    ‘Hon, it’s not good for you to be isolated. Now that you’re talking, it’s important to keep moving forwards. Up wards. And that means increasing your social circle. When you finally go home to your family, you’ll want to be able to talk to them.’
    I gasp. Tears come into my eyes.
    Home . I’ve never told her how much that word scares me. How can I go back to a place that doesn’t exist?
    ‘I … don’t have … family,’ I say.
    Rhona sits forward in her chair. ‘Everyone’s got family, Kathy. It’s just that you’ve forgotten who yours is.’
    ‘They’d’ve come to get me.’
    ‘Oh, hon … There could be all kinds of reasons for them not getting in touch. Remember, no one out there has seen your face properly. The papers aren’t allowed to—’
    ‘They’d still know ! They’d know I’m gone !’
    Rhona looks at me for a long time. Her face is sad, but she doesn’t say anythin’. In the end I turn over, pullin’ my bedspread with me, an’ lie with my back to her. Through the window, the sky is black. I can see myself in the glass, like iss a mirror. Over my shoulder, Rhona’s head is in her hands.
    #
    Dark dreams follow me through the night. Movin’ in circles. Chased by tears. Afterwards, I only remember one.
    A man stands tall against a blackened sky. Shinin’ pale, with his back to me. Snow swirls down an’ lands in our hair. At our feet, hundreds of jellyfish lie dead.
    Help me, I say. Help me .
    Thin hands hang by his sides. One clutched tight. The other creased and limp. I reach for the second one, but my hands drift right through. Suddenly I see I am barefoot.
    Help me …
    The man’s back quakes. Like laughter, emptied of sound. I claw at his hands. The silence grows. Shoals of stars buffet us. He will never turn around.
    #
    Breakfast time. I look through the mugs to find the one with the green stripe. At first I don’t see it, so I almost don’t have tea at all. But iss there at the back. I take it to the hot drink machine, put it under the tap, an’ press Tea . Then I put in three sugarcubes an’ carry it with me to the conservat’ry. I feel a bit sick today, so I don’t get any food. Thur’s only three people in the dinin’ room, an’ none of ’em stare. I look at their faces as I go past. They’re all old. One is Mrs Bell an’ one is Mrs Shaw. I know the third one’s face but not her name. Prob’ly another