Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie Read Online Free

that means the end of the world. It’s a big thing in the Bible and in pretty much every zombie movie, which tend to be about ‘the zombie apocalypse’, which survivors tend to think is a bad thing.
    ‡ In vampire lore, a vampire must be invited inside in order to enter someone’s home. They may be bloodsucking creatures from an ancient evil, but I respect that they have manners.
    § Extortionate. It means, like, really high, as in expensive. Like the NinjaCave playset (complete with the Nin-jet!) that I told Mom I wanted for my birth (and death) day but that she said was ‘ridiculously extortionate’.

4
In Which I Face My Fate
    That night, at three in the morning, I woke in the darkness of the basement to the sound of buzzing. It was Adamini, the zombee who’d killed me. But I don’t hold a grudge and this pigeon-sized bee had actually become something between a friend and a pet. After all, it wasn’t his fault he was the product of an evil science experiment.
    He buzzed over my head and nudged me out of my lumpy cot bed. Turns out that genetically modified, death-defying bees are very reliable alarm clocks.
    Adamini jumped on my shoulder and I lumbered upstairs to meet up with Nesto and Corina in the backyard. It had become our nightly ritual – a space to be friends, a place to be unnatural. Since my death and unexpected (though not unwelcome) return, I’d come to cherish these night-time hang-outs with the onlytwo ‘people’ who knew what it felt like to be completely different from their families.
    Nesto jumped over the back fence in full chupa mode. His body was lizard-like and slimy. He blinked his big black eyes at me and asked, ‘Have you heard the news?’
    Now, ever since I’d discovered Croxton’s collection of supernatural beings and uncovered an evil plot at the university to turn the townsfolk into zombies, I have to admit that the local ‘news’, which only seemed to focus on house fires and traffic accidents, held little appeal. But I suspected Nesto was talking about the Great Summer Camp Evacuation.
    ‘I just got back and they’re kicking me out,’ I said.
    ‘It’ll be great,’ hissed Ernesto. ‘I can’t wait to let loose in the wild.’
    *
    Adamini buzzed into the air and swarmed around Nesto, who jumped around the backyard after the playful zombee.
    I glanced up at Corina’s house, two doors down, and spotted her floating down to join us.
    ‘I can’t believe I’m being cleared out of Croxton,’ she complained as she made a perfect landing.
    ‘We all are,’ I said.
    ‘Even my room’s been rented,’ Nesto said, ‘and you can’t even see the floor for all my underwear.’
    ‘Our parents have been bought,’ I said with a sigh. ‘And they can’t wait to get rid of us. Doctor Mom says the bus picks us up first thing in the morning.’
    ‘Mother thinks I’m not mature enough to join the convention,’ moaned Corina.
    ‘You actually want to be a dentist?’ asked Nesto.
    Corina recoiled. ‘The human mouth disgusts me.’
    I loved that we had that in common .
    ‘Nesto,’ I explained, ‘the dentists are just a front for Corina’s kind.’
    ‘Vegans?’ he asked.
    ‘Vampires,’ she clarified. ‘The convention is a gathering of vampires from every country around the world, held every four years—’
    ‘Like the Olympics,’ chirped Ernesto, excitedly.
    ‘Just like,’ snapped Corina. ‘If the Olympics included events like human sacrifice, flying races, competitive coffin building, skull tossing—’
    ‘Not catching?’ asked Ernesto. ‘That’d be way funner to watch.’
    ‘ Funner is not a real word,’ I clarified.
    ‘I don’t want to go to their stupid convention anyway,’ sulked Corina, but I’m pretty sure she was lying.
    ‘Human sacrifice, really?’ I asked.
    ‘I don’t really know,’ she admitted. ‘My dad used to tell me about the conventions as coffin-time stories, but I never really knew what to believe. They probably talk big but just