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The Guardian.”
     
       “Oh,” Margaret put down her notebook, and placed her pencil carefully on the arm of the chair, “well that explains a lot.”
     
     
     
      “You wanted me to start at the beginning, then I will, at least as much as I know. Some of which I’ve been told rather than know from direct experience. So bear with me, there are big gaps in the story.”
     
      “My home planet was, as they say, in a galaxy far far away, and I assume is now long dead. I have traveled all over the Milky Way, and can find no trace of it, or indeed any other members of my less than noble race. So it’s safe to assume that it’s long gone. Anyway, whatever happened, I arrived here in the summer of 1934.”
     
       “1934?” she asked, “surely not, you’re not that old, you look…..”
     
       “I look about 33 in your years; it appears I age differently to humans, just one of the many small differences between our races, as similar as we look on the surface.”
     
       “What differences?”
     
       “Other than my super powers you mean?”
     
       “Other than your super powers, yes, many people have super powers; they’re not all aliens are they?”
     
       “No, of course not, billionaires, robots, amazons, but not all aliens, no. Anyway there are lots of differences, but perhaps most importantly and most frustratingly in my day-to-day life is that my senses are heightened.”
     
      “Heightened?”
     
    “Yes, heightened, heightened beyond belief to be honest with you, it’s something that has developed over the last few years. They’ve always been good, but in the last 4 years they have just got stronger and stronger. Now I can hear people speaking hundreds of miles way, I can hear every sigh, every burp and every grunt they make. And smell, I can smell every odour within half a mile, every petrol tank, every dog shit, every rotting bin, every stinking sweaty human. You all smell rather abominably you see.”
     
       “I can for example smell that you had garlic last night and at least one glass of red wine and you use a very expensive brand of soap. But it does not completely mask the smell of piss you carry with you, which you all carry with you in fact. To put it bluntly, the human race stinks Ms Mason. For a start you all fart far too much and by god does that smell linger. Do you wonder why I spend so much time in Alaska, it's because there are none of you there. You are contemptible, disgusting and I can hardly bear to be in the same room as most of you.”
     
       “To make it worse, I had to go and marry one of you, I had to have sex with one of you.”
     
       “Do you know,” he continued, “how many times The Warrior Queen begged me to fuck her in the last ten years?”
     
      “Strangely no I don't, but, I'm not surprised she has a reputation for a fearsome sexual appetite, and she is certainly very well-built.” Margaret had seen the Warrior Queen on the cover of hundreds of Men’s Magazines, she was known as one of the most liberally minded super heroes.
     
      “God yes, the tits on her, I've never seen anything like it, especially in that metallic low cut outfit she wears, and believe me I've seen thousands. But that woman really should have shaved her underarm hair, drank less beer and ate less garlic. Jesus how she stank. I could smell her a mile away, literally, the thought of sleeping with her, making her more and more sweaty. No way on this or any other planet.”
     
      “Oh,” Margaret suddenly became aware of her own body, her own odour.
     
      “Indeed,” John Smith smiled again, evilly, “you stink less than most I have to say Margaret, take that as a compliment. So imagine, if you can, living in a world where almost everyone around you makes you gag. Imagine that you can hardly bear to look at your wife or your friends, where you can hear every burp, every gurgle, and where you can't shut it off.”
     
       “I can't imagine how