me into a hall, and into
another room, surprisingly pleasant, with light blue paneling.
There was an old wooden desk, a mini fridge, and two brown
recliner chairs with a coffee table, like a living room. He gestured for me to
sit. I perched on the edge of one of the chairs. I expected it to be musty, or
stink of cigarettes, but it had a nice smell.
Dr. Arnold opened the fridge and got out two bottles of
water. He gave one to me. It was cold. “Sessions can be dehydrating,” he said.
There were two framed diplomas on the wall; his hypnotherapy
license and a degree from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Even though I
knew they could be fake, I felt somewhat reassured.
He’d taken care to make the room homey. There were green
leafy (silk) plants in the corners, a blue curtain over the high basement
window. A thin slant of daylight came through.
He opened his water, took a swig and sat in the other brown
chair. “Do you mind if I call you Ruby?” he said.
I shook my head.
“What’s your favorite color, Ruby?”
I shrugged. “Pink?”
“Pink is your code word. Once you’re under hypnosis, you can
end the session at any time simply by clasping your hands together, like this,”
he interlaced his fingers to show me. “And saying pink. Okay?”
I nodded.
“Why don’t you drink a little of your water, and relax into
your chair.”
I did as I was told.
“Take a few deep breaths, Ruby. Good. Now, pick a spot to
focus on, across the room … bring your gaze a little back, about half way, and
stop. I’ve put on some music. It’s very soft. Can you hear it?”
There was a low melodic hum.
“Close your eyes. I will be next you, in this chair, Ruby.
You are safe. You know how to bring the session to an end whenever you want.
You are in control. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Imagine yourself on a beach. You are lying down,
comfortable. The sunshine is warm on your face. You are calm. I am going to
count backwards ...”
As he counted, warmth spread through my entire body. I was
filled with a sense of well-being, like I’d never had before. I wanted to stay
there. On the beach.
“You are very, very relaxed, Ruby. I want you to remember,
as you are lying on the warm sand … just remember what you did yesterday, and
tell me.”
I licked my lips. The image was clear in my mind, and
pleasant. “I woke up, in the morning. I went to work. I saw my shrink.”
“Yes. Good. Now, let’s go further back, to what took place
just before the time you can’t remember. See yourself. What are you doing,
Ruby?”
I swallowed. “I’m in my classroom. My girls are there. The
workshop girls.”
“Is this an ordinary day, Ruby?”
“No,” I whispered.
“What is different about it?”
“I’m upset with one of my students. I’m angry at her. But I
shouldn’t be angry. It’s wrong.”
“Why is it wrong to be angry?”
“Because … because …” A tear slid down my cheek.
“Don’t cry, Ruby.”
“I read her diary. I was jealous.” I rubbed my temples. “My
head hurts. I feel sick. I’m so eaten up by these … awful feelings. Oh ,”
I groaned. “I hurt so much.”
A hand pressed my arm.
“You are on the beach, Ruby. You don’t hurt. The sky is
blue. There are no clouds. You are remembering something that has already
happened, and it’s okay. It’s over. Take a drink of water … there .
“Breathe deeply. When you’re ready, I want you to open the
diary and tell me what it says.”
I slumped forward. The diary was small and black. I stared
at Scarlet’s writing.
“What does the diary say, Ruby?”
“Nothing. I can’t understand a word of it.” And yet, my mind
raced.
Memories scattered like old photos; my mother’s torn wedding
dress on the floor in the attic, bloodstained sheets, a box of knives.
One knife missing …
I gasped. I clasped my hands together. “Pink. Pink …”
6. Devon
I WOKE.
I remembered darkness. And coming apart inside it. But