Out of Whack Read Online Free Page B

killed off Butt-Man the second he got a chance, though Butt-Man’s byproduct soon rose and tried to seek vengeance. When we were writing together, there was no way to tell what was going to happen. Creative differences flew fast and thick, but we always managed to work it out, even if it meant coming to blows on occasion and threatening to end our friendship on a bi-weekly basis.
           At the end of four years, we had almost five hundred pages written. I’m talking about handwritten pages, so it’s not like we were in Robert Mitchum territory, but it was still one long story. And there were several noteworthy changes as the tale evolved. Females began to play a larger role, with Trychen’s girlfriends often coincidentally having the same names as certain damsels at our school. Instead of my contributions becoming more serious, Travis’ grew more and more silly (I was a bad influence on him), until, by age fourteen, we were writing an all-out comedy novel.
           Well, we were trying, anyway.
           And, of course, our handwriting improved.
     

      
     
     
     

Chapter Five
    “Why Dating Should Be Illegal”
          
           Did I skip chapter four? This book-writing thing is more difficult than I thought. Oh well.
           I sometimes think the reason we got into comedy was that our lives contained such an overdose of insanity. A good example is our first date (we doubled), which happened in eighth grade and should have been a nice little dinner-and-a-movie deal. Now, lots of people have the First Date From Hell. Travis and I had the First Date From Hell And Seventeen Other Unseasonably Hot Locations.
           Here’s the conversation that led up to the “asking” portion of planning this event, which is, of course, the most difficult step, especially when you’re a dork. It starts a couple of minutes after school has been let out, with me pointing across the school hallway at Marcia Levay. Tall, leggy, dark hair and complexion, great smile with no teeth missing, way above-average looks. She was what we liked to call Bucket Material, referring to the object used to catch all the drool she produced in us.
           “Hey, why don’t you ask her out?” I said. (Making The Suggestion)
           “‘Cause she’d stomp me like a boll weevil.” (Reality Rears Its Ugly Face)
           “So what?” (Adopting The Carefree Attitude Of One Who Isn’t Putting Himself In Danger Of Being Stomped)
           “What do you mean, so what?” (The Stupid Question)
           “So what?” (The Stupid Answer)
           “Fine, I’ll do it.” (The Surprise Decision)
           “Really?” (Shock, Awe, And A Bit Of Doubt)
           “Yep.” (Confirming The Decision...Or Blatantly Lying?)
           And so, Travis walked across the hallway to where Marcia was fixing her hair in the mirror attached to the inside of her locker door. He was a brave man, that Travis. A true hero. As he strode over toward her, toward the unknown charms and unknown dangers of the female of our species, I felt an admiration like nothing I’d ever felt before.
           Until I heard his question.
           “Marcia, Seth wants to know if you’ll go out with him Saturday night.”
           Fortunately, I wasn’t drinking anything, because I would have sprayed it all over the place. Though at the time I would have enjoyed choking on it and dying.
           Marcia glanced over at me. Considering the plethora of stupid things I could have done at that moment, it’s amazing that all I did was drop my books. It’s also amazing that despite the dreaded 890 page hardcover tome Introduction to Biology landing corner-first on my foot, I didn’t scream. I smiled in pain.
           That temptress Marcia then proceeded to lean over and whisper something in Travis’ ear. Travis grinned the grin of one who knows something that his best friend