Over the Darkened Landscape Read Online Free Page A

spottin’ here!”
    Youth One: “Was not buzz they put out.”
    Youth Two: “Was a disc, man, old stuff indeed. Punk, somebody say, Young Canadians 12 ( picture of Art Bergmann, details about punk music in late 20th-century Canada ). Song called ‘No Escape.’”
    Youth One: “Joyboy beside me starts jumpin’ up and down, hoppin’ like wackyow grasshopper. Then he stops, pumps his fists in the air and yells, ‘Time to shed the imperialistic cultural yoke of our Yankee bastard neighbors!’”
    Youth Two: “Don’t know what the fuck he mean, but seemed like a good reason for party and fight.”

    Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull a Mountie out of My Hat

    “Squad! You have been selected to serve your country. To serve your country must be the highest honor to ever be visited on your measly little lives!”
    The man who speaks wears the traditional red serge of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. His hat is broad-brimmed, his boots spit-polished. Big-eared mouse pin, brass buttons and buckles shine, almost unnaturally. Service revolver sits in holster, looking menacing to the new recruits.
    But it is his face that inspires the most stares, the most awe. His chin extends a full five, maybe even six inches beyond where it should stop. The cleft at the end of the chin is also enormous. Makeup covers the worst of the scar, but it is obvious that cosmetic surgery has been used to enlarge his chin.
    Blond curls poke out from underneath the hat, and Sergeant Do-Rite’s voice also sounds funny. Like he forces it from his throat or something.
    “Squad! Join me in singing ‘Rose Marie’! And that’s no request, mister!”
    His singing voice is really quite lovely.

    Foster Hewitt 13 Rolls Over in the Broadcast Booth

    (Excerpts from New-Net TV Guide , week of June 26)
    Saturday 6:00 P.M. CBC (PAY): Hockey Night in Canada Double Header. Los Angeles Kings vs. Louisiana Acadians. Montreal Levesques 14 vs. Oklahoma Oilers.
    Sunday 2:00 p.m. TSN2 15 /ESPN6: CFL 16 pre-season. Austin Stampeders 17 vs. Poughkeepsie Stallions. A rematch of last year’s Grey Cup.
    Sunday 9:00 p.m. BBC International3: The Antiques Road Show 18 . This venerable show continues its visit to Canada with a visit to the former Alberta Legislature.
    Monday 5:00 p.m. CBC (PAY): The New Front Page Challenge 19 . Mystery guest this week; former BCTV 20 Host Michael J. Fox 21 .
    Tuesday 9:00 p.m. Global 22 : Jerry Lewis Comedy Fest and Retrospective.
    Wednesday 8:00 p.m. CBC (PAY): Wayne and Shuster 23 Retrospective.

    How’s It Goin’, Eh?

    Large groups of youths now wander the streets, day and night. All wear toques 24 and earmuffs and green army surplus jackets, drinking from the new-style, stubbie, beer bottles. Miller Canadian 25 is the most popular brand. Moosehead 26 ranks a close second.
    As with other trends today, this does not crop up in one city and then slowly spread cross-country. Everyone is online, patched-in, wired and wigged. A trend one day is a tidal wave the same day.
    They call themselves “Hosers.” Over fifty networks pick up reruns of the long-forgotten SCTV 27 , formerly relegated to late-night status on an obscure cable channel called TVO 28 . TVO responds by playing Strange Brew 29 24-hours a day. The Ontario government, holed up in their offices now for over thirty years without talking, responds by finding a document that claims they own TVO. A takeover ensues.
    After the initial shock of finding that they still have a provincial government, the people of Ontario ( well, okay, Metro Toronto, but the rest of the province really doesn’t count ) let their anger, pent-up over years of mismanagement and no management, explode. Riots unlike anything ever seen are dragged into the living rooms of millions of Canadians, and for thirty seconds every half-hour into the homes of Americans.
    Troops are called in, but soon decide that they want to side with the “Hosers” and everyone else. The government resorts to the Royal Canadian Mounted