Stanton Unconditional Read Online Free Page A

doing to himself? He lifts himself off the bed and scrunches his eyes closed in pain.
    “What’s wrong?” I gasp.
    “Headache,” he winces.
    “That’s normal,” the nurse nods. I blow out a breath in relief.
    “Ok,” I reply shakily. The nurse and I get on either side of him and help him up as he gingerly walks to the bathroom. I have never seen him like this. It’s frightening. So weak, so fragile. I can’t believe he nearly died just ten hours ago. I walk into the bathroom behind him as he falls onto the toilet, and I grab him for support. He sits silently with his head down and urinates. As I stand silently beside him it occurs to me that Joshua, my Joshua, would be pulling wisecracks in this situation normally. No way would he sit down to go to the toilet, not without a joke anyway.
    He finally finishes and stands. “I need to shower.”
    “Joshua, no, you are going back to bed,” I urge.
    “I’m taking a fucking shower,” he snaps.
    I beam a full megawatt smile. “That’s more like it,” I whisper. He raises an eyebrow in silent question at me. “There’s my difficult man,” I smile.
    Half an hour later he is back in bed and I am feeling much better. After his little snap at me I know he is going to be ok—there isn’t a doubt in my mind. He lies with his head facing me as I lie next to him.
    “Thank you for coming for me,” he whispers. “When did you find out?”
    “At LAX airport.” He frowns at me, not understanding. “I was already coming to you Josh. You did this while I was in the air.” Should I tell him about the paternity?
    His eyes widen. “I thought you said you didn’t want to see me again,” he frowns.
    I kiss the back of his hand. “I’m so sorry, I never meant it. I was blinded from grief Josh. I felt as though I killed my father. I wasn’t thinking straight, you know I would have come back for you eventually. I have mourned the loss of you just as much as my father.” Nerves rise in my stomach. I need to tell him that we are not cousins. Is he strong enough yet? How do you tell someone this kind of information? My heart drops.
    He looks down. “I thought you meant it.”
    I shake my head. “I didn’t.” Maybe I will wait till he is stronger?
    His eyes look to the roof and I can see his brain ticking. “Tash, I thought we were broken up.”
    Why is he saying this? “Don’t you want me here, Josh?” I ask.
    “How can you even think that? I love you more than life itself.” And then he frowns. “Stop fucking with my head. I swear to god, Natasha.” He starts to get worked up.
    “Sshh, Josh I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, calm down. It’s ok, it’s ok.” I rise and gently kiss his face. “I’m not leaving again, I’m sorry baby.” He’s definitely not strong enough.
    The nurse re-enters and takes his vitals. “I’m going to give you another relaxant, Joshua. Your heart rate has gone back up, just something to make you sleep, ok?” He takes a deep breath and nods and she injects another drug into his drip. I hold his hand and rub his forehead as he peacefully drifts off.
     
    What must it feel like to be in a peaceful sleep? I haven’t had one for so long. I keep watch on the silent and still man beside me. On the outside I mirror his calmness; however, the inner turmoil inside my stomach has reached a whole new level. I‘m worried … actually that’s an understatement. I’m panicked. The harsh reality is that Joshua may very well be a cocaine addict. I know that, the doctor knows that. Everybody knows that. He has the motive … friends and escape and he has the means … unlimited funds. I have done extensive study on addictions as part of my psychology degree and I know it’s a very steep hill to climb to get out of an addiction black hole. Both for the addict and for the ones that love them. I close my eyes. How did it get to this? Was it really an accident or did he try to subconsciously kill himself without realising? What are