The Tiger-Headed Horseman Read Online Free Page B

what it was that his people had faith in. He made it illegal not to laugh at designated times during the day. During laughing time people were instructed to think of nothing other than how wonderful their new country was and how much of a jolly good chap their new emperor was. All other acts of faith or worship were strictly forbidden. The decree read: ‘Every day people must laugh at exactly 0500, 0730, 1200, 1700 and 2100 without exception.’ Chinggis's temples were reformatted as ‘Laughter Houses’ where the people of Baatarulaan could gather together and laugh. The Laughter Houses were manned by the Fun Brigade. The Fun Brigade had a list of everyone who lived in Baatarulaan. If somebody missed a laughing session, a member of the brigade would pay them a visit and, unless a very convincing excuse was offered, or a large amount of money, the missing somebody would go missing on a more permanent basis in the House of Fun. Laughing was one thing; people enjoyed laughing. What people didn't enjoy was being told
when
and
where
to laugh. Managing one laughter session a day wasenough of a chore. Laughing five times a day upon command was nigh on impossible. Yet Khad persisted. Failure was not an option. Failure would not be tolerated. A whole industry had developed around this law. It offered any number of means to induce laughter from clowns and puppets, tickling sticks and feather dusters to gas and other chemical intoxications.
    For most, the chemical solutions usually ended up being the medicine of choice, although they were exceedingly expensive. Khad's nephew's cousin's best friend's girlfriend, Khazza, ran a chemical cartel that produced, packaged and distributed chemical solutions throughout Ongolium. Khazza was a heartless wench with few friends, but she was a big lass and could pack a punch. Even her boyfriend was afraid of her. She seized the business opportunity that the Laughter Law presented. There was no law against chemical consumption, even though everybody knew it was bad for you. Khazza created an ingredient that made her special brand of laughter absolutely addictive. Within a matter of months the streets of Baatarulaan were literally littered with the less salubrious of the city's inhabitants lolling about horizontally on pavements laughing uncontrollably at some secret joke only their minds were able to fathom. Khem, as the chemical became known, was freely available and its price moved inexorably upwards.
    Groups of Khazza's employees would persuade Baatarulaan residents to purchase their wares. They were generally very large men with intimidating faces and amazing powers of persuasion. Had the cartel worked on a commission-only basis, they would most certainly have received a far healthier salary than that fixed by their miserly, ambitious employer. Those residents who did decide against using Khem were reminded of their virtue by having their windows smashed and their pet dogs set alight; it was a sign of honour to be seen promenadingwith a charred poodle. Khazza's cartel set up Khem houses where people could freely indulge in as much laughter as they were able before passing out (and being robbed). The chemical enhancement changed people's view of faith. New types of festivals emerged that involved pulsating rhythms and flashing lights. Khem users would sway in time with the beat and throw their arms in the air as if in praise of their new spiritual incarceration. The festivals attracted new users and grew as Khem usage spiralled. Khad rubbed his hands in glee and Khazza counted her pennies. Khazza's cartel forged an alliance with the Fun Brigade and between them they ruled Baatarulaan. What need did Khad have for democracy when he had a far more effective tool with which to reap immediate reward? Martial law became a permanent shadow. Very soon the loyal and virtuous subjects of Chinggis were slowly being turned into fearful zombies intoxicated by the greedy and self-important Khad. Baatarulaan was