The Weight of Water Read Online Free Page B

all.
     
    When I emerge from the bathroom
    I am still hairy.
    And covered in cuts.

What William Says
     
    I wanted to call you
    But I didn’t have your number.
    If I had your number
    I would have called
    For sure
    You know.
     
    I was really sick.
    I was so queasy
    I couldn’t eat.
    I couldn’t get out of bed.
    I had a stomach bug, the doctor said.
     
    Anyway,
    If I’d had your number
    I would have called
    For sure
    You know.
     
    Sorry I didn’t show up
    At the pool.
    Man, I was so sick.
    But I couldn’t get in touch with you.
     
    Let’s do it another time.
    I won’t be sick.
    I’m done with sick.
    You know.
     
    For sure.

Back in Gdańsk
     
    I dream about Tata.
     
    We are in a train station.
    Maybe we are in
               Gdańsk Główny.
     
    People are
               Milling yet purposeful,
    Like ants
               Around a sugar bowl.
     
    Mama and I are trailing
                               Tata
    Through the crowd.
     
    He glances back,
    Encouraging us.
    Then disappears
                               Suddenly.
     
    And I wake up
    Soundlessly sobbing.

Finding Tata
     
    Mama will not give up.
     
               It is cold and drizzles most nights,
               So Mama buys a scarf and umbrella,
    But she will not give up.
               Even as a door closes
               She looks to the next one,
               Each time with a sleepier smile,
    But she will not give up.
               Her boots need to be reheeled.
               They are worn out, as I am,
               From the hard pavements.
               So Mama borrows my boots
               Though they’re a little tight,
    But she will not give up.
     
    I wish Mama would give up.
               And stop dragging me around after her
               Like a human dictionary.

I Wish Tata Were Dead
     
    Dead fathers don’t deliberately leave home.
    They can be sainted.
    We can hold candles to their memories
    And keep their headstones clean.
     
    You can’t do this with a missing father.

Questions
     
    Kanoro is in our room
    Holding hands with Mama.
    They look like they are praying.
     
    Kanoro’s face is moist
    And his eyes are cloudy,
    The stars bitten out.
     
    Later I want to know the story,
    The reason for the quiet closeness.
     
    ‘Did he explain the scar on his cheek?’
    Mama won’t tell.
    Mama says, ‘Always too many questions
    With you.’
     
    So I decide, right then,
    Never to ask her anything else ever again.
     
    And to tell her even less.

Dare Devil
     
    Marie Mullen is the messenger:
               If I agree to do
               Three dares
               In three days,
    Dares Clair will devise,
    I’ll be allowed to sit with
    Everyone
               During lunch
                     For a week        
                               As a trial.
     
    I think it’s a joke so I laugh.
    Marie Mullen glances about –
    She thinks I’ve seen something
    Funny.
     
    What kinds of things? I ask.
     
    Marie Mullen says: ‘I don’t know.
     
    Take a piss on the tennis courts.
    Ask a sixth-former on a date.
    Drink a litre of olive oil.’
     
    Did you do all that?
    Marie Mullen looks away.
     
    I’m sorry for her,
    But my answer is no –
     
    I’d rather eat alone all year
    Than piss on a tennis court.
    I’d rather eat alone for ever
    Than jump at Clair’s bidding.
     
    This is what I tell myself.

I Try to Tell Mama
     
    And all she says is,
    ‘Girls are like this.’
     
    As though I’m like
    This too.

The Pity Club
     
    Not all girls are savage.
    Some stand away
    When Clair starts.
    Some turn their backs.
    They won’t take part.
     
    They are The Pity Club –
    The girls who look at me
    With sorry eyes when
    I’m the only person
    Without a partner in PE.
     
    But they have their own group,
    And it’s established.
               And exclusive.
               And a newbie would
               Mess it all