Winter's Bees Read Online Free Page A

 "Yes," he said after a long moment. "But I can't imagine living with anyone else, building a household with anyone else, perhaps even raising a child if we wished to adopt. For me, it has only ever been him."
    "I know." Julian's voice was tinged with sympathy, and Marcel briefly felt his lips brush against the side of his temples before Julian let him go, reaching down to pick up one of the books and put it on Marcel's bookshelf. "I just don't want to see you get hurt." His voice was low, and Marcel sat up and twisted around so he could see the pensive expression on Julian's face. "I worry about you. I know you are so in love with him, always have been, but if he does not want this …"
    "Don't." Marcel stood, paced across the room, not wanting to hear it. It was painful to have Julian even suggest that Gilbert would hurt him, that it wouldn't work, doubly so because Marcel knew Julian was right and this complicated, crazy affair was probably going to end in disaster.
    "I'm sorry," Julian said from behind him. "But I don't want you get hurt or be trapped in a loveless marriage." There was a rustle as Julian stood, and Marcel thought of Julian's parents and the home they'd built on bitterness and despair, his anger draining away as he did so. He turned back around and held out his arms, and Julian went to him easily, wrapping his own arms around Marcel's waist. "I want you to be happy," he said into Marcel's shoulder.
    "I know." Marcel let himself reach up and card his fingers through Julian's blond curls. "I want that for you as well."
    Julian laughed a little and pulled back to look at Marcel with such open fondness that it made Marcel's breathe catch. What had been sexual between them was never meant to last forever, but Marcel hoped to always have Julian's friendship in his life. Learning forward, he let himself kiss those sweet lips because this would be the last time.
    "Just take care of yourself," Julian said when they parted, cupping Marcel's face between his hands. "Promise me if it doesn't work you will walk away. Even if the emperor refuses to annual the marriage, promise me you will at least try to move on." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Marcel's. "Try to win his heart, yes, but if he can't return your feelings, don't pine forever, please."
    Marcel wasn't sure he was capable of walking away from something he'd wanted for as long as he'd wanted Gilbert, but he nodded, face so close to Julian's he could feel Julian's breath against his cheek.
    "And remember I will always be here," Julian's hand tightened. "If you need me or need some place to retreat to, you can always come to me, not matter what happens."  
    There was nothing Marcel could possibly say to that, especially since he knew Julian meant it completely. Thank you seemed so little a thing to say to something like this, but still he was grateful, not just for this but everything Julian had put up with over the last few years. "You are too good to me." He pulled Julian close into a hug again. "If there is anything I can do to repay this …"
    "Don't." Julian laughed and slid out of his grip. "You have nothing to repay, idiot." He sobered. "Just promise."
    Marcel sighed and rubbed his fingers through his hair. "I promise."
    "Good." Julian kissed him lightly on the cheek. "And my best wishes for your upcoming engagement. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some errands to run."
    "Of course." Marcel squeezed Julian's hand before letting him go and watching as Julian collected his things to leave. With a sigh, he turned back to his half-full bookcase. He needed to meet with Gregory, but he wasn't sure if he could take having another one of his friends reminding him of how little a chance he had with Gilbert. Leaving the books on the floor, Marcel walked over to the settee, flopping down on to it and staring up at the ceiling.
    It was such a mess, this marriage. Closing his eyes, Marcel thought he should never have agreed to it in the first