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bul et, by the by, remained in Jackson’s body for nineteen years because he knew that time spent removing the bul ets would fall under the category of “time not dueling”—Jackson’s least favorite category.
    Looking back on his life, spent murdering people for little to no reason, Jackson reflected, “I have only two regrets: I didn’t shoot Henry Clay and I didn’t hang John C. Calhoun.” Calhoun, it should be noted, was Jackson’s vice president.
    Greatest displays of badassery : Andrew Jackson was the first president against whom an assassination attempt was made. A man named Richard Lawrence approached Jackson with two pistols, both of which, for some reason, misfired. Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence nearly to death with his cane until aides pull ed him off.
    The guns were inspected afterward, and it was discovered that they were in perfect working order, leading some historians to believe that it was an odds-defying “miracle” that Jackson survived. But we’re pretty sure the bul ets, like everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.
    3. JOHN F. KENNEDY
    Nowadays, John F. Kennedy is remembered mostly for getting shot in the head, which, while admittedly badass, barely makes the top ten of badass things he ever did. Plagued with a bad back his entire life, Kennedy was disqualified from service in the army. Instead of using this as an excuse to pursue the decidedly saner strategy of staying away from exploding things, Kennedy had his dad pull a few strings so he could sneak his way into the navy, where he eventual y became a lieutenant. Just to get some perspective, Bil Clinton dodged the draft, Grover Cleveland paid someone else to go in his place when he was drafted, but Kennedy beat the system by forcing his way into the navy. Once there, he handled himself like a gravel-eating shit miner instead of the rich Boston pretty boy he actually was.
    Upon leaving the navy, he took up boning on a near ful -time basis. Sure he dabbled at being a senator and a president or whatever, but his ful -time job was pimping. While almost no two sources are in agreement as to just how much tail Kennedy snagged, historian John Richard Stephens says that
    “Kennedy confided with friends that he could only be satisfied with three women a day.” Kennedy’s closest friend once recal ed that “Jack could be shameless in his sexuality . . . He would corner them at White House dinner parties and ask them to step into the next room away from the noise, where they could hold a ‘serious discussion.’ "

    ” Next time you’re at a dinner party, go ahead and try that “Hey baby, let’s go have a serious discussion” line out and then come back and tell us how much sex you didn’t have.
    JFK’s sexual conquests all egedly include Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Jayne Mansfield, Angie Dickinson, Brazilian actress Florinda Bolkan, and famous burlesque stripper and rap name pioneer Blaze Starr. There are even rumors that he had sex with his insanely hot wife once in a while too.
    Greatest display of badassery : In August 1943, while serving as skipper of PT-109 , Kennedy’s boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri . Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. His goddamned teeth!
    2. GEORGE WASHINGTON
    Plenty of people know George Washington as the Father of Our Country, but few people know—and this is, perhaps, more important—just how similar he was in behavior to the Incredible Hulk.
    As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington “was natural y irritable,” and when his temper “broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath.” One time, in fact, he became “much inflamed [and] got into one of those passions when he cannot command himself.” Witnesses agreed that after these sudden bursts of rage, Washington general y became calm