A Broken Kind of Life Read Online Free
Author: Jamie Mayfield
deafness and actually see him .
Two
A ARON was sitting quietly, picking at his grilled cheese sandwich, when his mother came into the kitchen with an envelope. He saw it was addressed to him, but when he shrugged at her, she opened it instead. Taking another bit of soup so she could see, he waited, remarkably uninterested, for the results of his final homeschool exams. Part of him hoped he had failed every subject so he could bow out of any further discussions of college, but the smile that spread across his mother’s face told him otherwise. Looking into his mother’s overly bright, misty eyes, he understood what she was feeling. By all rights, he should have died that night in the garage with Juliette, so the fact that he even had results to mail was a miracle.
“I am so incredibly proud of you, Aaron. When we chose to homeschool you those last two years, I didn’t know if you’d ever be… if you’d… but you did,” she stammered and then handed him the sheet of paper. Underneath the pretentious state logo was a list of his achievements. He had managed to pass every subject. In a few, like English, he was sure his results were born more of pity than the actual quality of his work.
He didn’t care.
“Let’s… I mean…. Can we take you out to dinner to celebrate?” The hopeful longing in her face made the polite refusal he was about to give die in his throat. Shame burned on the back of his neck like the summer sun. She had done so much for him and asked for so little in return. Couldn’t he just give her this one thing? From her expression, it looked like her whole life depended on his answer to the question.
Slowly, he nodded.
His mother did manage to restrain herself from hugging him, but just barely, and unfortunately he had reached the upper limit of his accommodations for the day. He was grateful she didn’t hug him, because one of his meltdowns in the kitchen would have just punctuated the afternoon nicely. Things were starting to get bad for him again; he could feel it. Some days were better, but lately, his depression was taking him on another downward spiral. He tried so hard to keep things from spinning out of control, but trying to hide the depth of his depression from his mother had become exhausting. Aaron tried so hard to keep the worst of his symptoms from her, because she had so many other things to worry about. Sometimes, when the demons came calling inside his head, he saw just how much caring for him was taking a toll on her. In those moments, he wished he’d just have the balls to end her pain, and his, but he didn’t. It was just one more thing in his life he wasn’t man enough to do.
“Okay, well, Allen has his first date tonight, so maybe tomorrow night,” she said, her beaming smile bringing him back from those dark thoughts. It was a bit of a comfort to him that Allen had a date. His brothers had to deal with so much, and finally they were able to start living somewhat normal lives, despite their psychotic brother. Aaron left more than half his sandwich on the plate but finished his soup, tipping up the bowl and drinking it. He hoped that would appease her almost constant need to feed him.
“Mom, I’m going to go lie down for a while,” Aaron told her as she took his dishes to the counter near the sink. The combination of all the pills and omnipresent suffocating depression made Aaron feel tired, lethargic. Some days, this tiredness allowed him to finally escape for a few hours in the dreamless sleep of a midafternoon nap. On other days, he would just stare restlessly at the ceiling or the TV, the very idea of sleep eluding him.
It started off as most of his dreams did, with that last debate practice. Juliette was the captain, but Aaron was the best on the team. They were trying to get other students involved, since it was the beginning of the term, trying to get them engaged to see which ones would make the team that year. Aaron always helped out with
Two
A ARON was sitting quietly, picking at his grilled cheese sandwich, when his mother came into the kitchen with an envelope. He saw it was addressed to him, but when he shrugged at her, she opened it instead. Taking another bit of soup so she could see, he waited, remarkably uninterested, for the results of his final homeschool exams. Part of him hoped he had failed every subject so he could bow out of any further discussions of college, but the smile that spread across his mother’s face told him otherwise. Looking into his mother’s overly bright, misty eyes, he understood what she was feeling. By all rights, he should have died that night in the garage with Juliette, so the fact that he even had results to mail was a miracle.
“I am so incredibly proud of you, Aaron. When we chose to homeschool you those last two years, I didn’t know if you’d ever be… if you’d… but you did,” she stammered and then handed him the sheet of paper. Underneath the pretentious state logo was a list of his achievements. He had managed to pass every subject. In a few, like English, he was sure his results were born more of pity than the actual quality of his work.
He didn’t care.
“Let’s… I mean…. Can we take you out to dinner to celebrate?” The hopeful longing in her face made the polite refusal he was about to give die in his throat. Shame burned on the back of his neck like the summer sun. She had done so much for him and asked for so little in return. Couldn’t he just give her this one thing? From her expression, it looked like her whole life depended on his answer to the question.
Slowly, he nodded.
His mother did manage to restrain herself from hugging him, but just barely, and unfortunately he had reached the upper limit of his accommodations for the day. He was grateful she didn’t hug him, because one of his meltdowns in the kitchen would have just punctuated the afternoon nicely. Things were starting to get bad for him again; he could feel it. Some days were better, but lately, his depression was taking him on another downward spiral. He tried so hard to keep things from spinning out of control, but trying to hide the depth of his depression from his mother had become exhausting. Aaron tried so hard to keep the worst of his symptoms from her, because she had so many other things to worry about. Sometimes, when the demons came calling inside his head, he saw just how much caring for him was taking a toll on her. In those moments, he wished he’d just have the balls to end her pain, and his, but he didn’t. It was just one more thing in his life he wasn’t man enough to do.
“Okay, well, Allen has his first date tonight, so maybe tomorrow night,” she said, her beaming smile bringing him back from those dark thoughts. It was a bit of a comfort to him that Allen had a date. His brothers had to deal with so much, and finally they were able to start living somewhat normal lives, despite their psychotic brother. Aaron left more than half his sandwich on the plate but finished his soup, tipping up the bowl and drinking it. He hoped that would appease her almost constant need to feed him.
“Mom, I’m going to go lie down for a while,” Aaron told her as she took his dishes to the counter near the sink. The combination of all the pills and omnipresent suffocating depression made Aaron feel tired, lethargic. Some days, this tiredness allowed him to finally escape for a few hours in the dreamless sleep of a midafternoon nap. On other days, he would just stare restlessly at the ceiling or the TV, the very idea of sleep eluding him.
It started off as most of his dreams did, with that last debate practice. Juliette was the captain, but Aaron was the best on the team. They were trying to get other students involved, since it was the beginning of the term, trying to get them engaged to see which ones would make the team that year. Aaron always helped out with
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