A Matter of Trust: Follow Your Heart Read Online Free

he
visited her at the hospital. “No, I thought I’d got the wrong car, and when I
saw my sweater on the seat, I didn’t think anything. It was just too much.  
I’m such a wuss!”
    “No, not at all; you’re not a wuss at all.  Anybody
could have done the same. You were upset and not thinking straight.  And that, Allison, really was my fault.  I pushed you too far. I should have known
better. I knew from the moment I had to put my arm around you to get you out of
the car, you had issues with males getting too close.”
    “No, I panicked. You’re right! I don’t like to be
touched. It’s neurotic and I hate it, but I can’t seem to not hate it.  
I’m not ready to tell you why. Maybe you can guess a reason.  But as soon as
the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.  It took me three seconds to
know that it had been an accident, but by that time you were on your way. It
was nobody’s fault.”
    “Sorry, I had my little fit of temper. I’m not used to
women being frightened of me.”
    “I wasn’t frightened of you. It could have been
anybody’s hand, even the waiter’s.
    There was a silence and Allison realized that she had
told Doug more about herself than she’d ever told another man.  What’s come
over me?”  
    Doug, too, was pretty sure that Allison was opening
the shutters just that little bit, and took courage.  “Look, Allison,” he said,
“Couldn’t we start over?  We’re both lonely.  We both need a friend.  You said,
‘I know you’re not that sort.’  You’re right, I’m not that sort.  It’s
not your body I’m interested in.  Not that it isn’t an attractive body, don’t
misunderstand me, but it’s not my priority at the moment.  To be perfectly
honest, my address book is full of beautiful willing bodies.  What I’m interested
in is your heart.”  Well, that does it, a speech to make any shy girl fall
at my feet! A final speech for the defense.
    When Allison said nothing, he carried on. “You’re a
wounded person. I know that.  And to be honest, I’m not unscarred myself. I’m
as anxious to avoid emotional violence as you are. And that means I have to be very
careful and go very slowly. That’s OK. I’m not in a hurry. If we end up
friends, it will have been worth waiting for.  I’m sure of it.”
    Allison was frightened.  And disturbed.  And
conflicted.  For 15 years she’d built her life on the premise that she must
stay away from males. Even after her attempt at a lesbian fling was a
humiliating failure, she had made a decision and had stuck to it. Doug was
asking her to overcome deeply ingrained habits and to risk tearing open old
wounds that had scarred over.  But she wanted to accept what he suggested. She
sighed and looked up into eyes that were clearly full of compassion, and said,
“Yes. Let’s try. But don’t get your hopes up too high.”
     

Chapter 5
     
    There didn’t seem to be any special way to begin again
other than trying lunch together.  But they certainly didn’t want to go back to
the Double Tree.   Doug asked her if she liked Indian food, having the “Taste
of India” in mind.  But Allison admitted that she was more of a “good American
food” type, so Doug suggested ‘Damn Goode Pies’, and they agreed on that.  
Since the “Sculpture at River Market” was on, she suggested that they go there
after they’d eaten.  Allison eagerly agreed. She’d been meaning to get there,
art and craft being her second interest after fashion design, and it was a
situation that lent itself to relaxed, unthreatening, but not artificially
superficial conversation.
    “Allison,” said Doug, “I just want you to know that
the ball’s always in your court.  I don’t want to go anywhere with you
that you don’t want to go.  All you have to do is call a halt – to a topic of
conversation, to an activity, anything.  Let’s try to enjoy the journey, OK?
Without thinking too much about the destination.