Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects Read Online Free

hard
slog of a steady job (or succession of jobs). Such "unfortunate"
narcissists, coerced into a framework they resent, are likely to
act out and erupt in a series of self-destructive and
self-defeating acts (see above).
    But there are other narcissists, the "luckier"
ones, those who can afford not to work. They laze about, indulge
themselves in a variety of idle and trivial pursuits, seek
entertainment and thrills wherever and whenever they can, and while
their lives away, at once content and bitter: content with their
lifestyle and the minimum demands it imposes on them and bitter
because they haven't achieved more, they haven't reached the
pinnacle or their profession, they haven't become as rich or famous
or powerful as they deserve to be.
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The Narcissist's
Confabulated Life

    Confabulations are an
important part of life. They serve to heal emotional wounds or to
prevent ones from being inflicted in the first place. They prop-up
the confabulator's self-esteem, regulate his (or her) sense of
self-worth, and buttress his (or her) self-image. They serve as
organising principles in social interactions.
    Father's wartime heroism,
mother's youthful good looks, one's oft-recounted exploits,
erstwhile alleged brilliance, and past purported sexual
irresistibility – are typical examples of white, fuzzy,
heart-warming lies wrapped around a shrivelled kernel of
truth.
    But the distinction
between reality and fantasy is rarely completely lost. Deep inside,
the healthy confabulator knows where facts end and wishful thinking
takes over. Father acknowledges he was no war hero, though he did
his share of fighting. Mother understands she was no ravishing
beauty, though she may have been attractive. The confabulator
realises that his recounted exploits are overblown, his brilliance
exaggerated, and his sexual irresistibility a myth.
    Such distinctions never
rise to the surface because everyone – the confabulator and his
audience alike – have a common interest to maintain the
confabulation. To challenge the integrity of the confabulator or
the veracity of his confabulations is to threaten the very fabric
of family and society. Human intercourse is built around such
entertaining deviations from the truth.
    This is where the
narcissist differs from others (from "normal" people).
    His very self is a piece
of fiction concocted to fend off hurt and to nurture the
narcissist's grandiosity. He fails in his "reality test" – the
ability to distinguish the actual from the imagined. The narcissist
fervently believes in his own infallibility, brilliance,
omnipotence, heroism, and perfection. He doesn't dare confront the
truth and admit it even to himself.
    Moreover, he imposes his
personal mythology on his nearest and dearest. Spouse, children,
colleagues, friends, neighbours – sometimes even perfect strangers
– must abide by the narcissist's narrative or face his wrath. The
narcissist countenances no disagreement, alternative points of
view, or criticism. To him, confabulation IS reality.
    The coherence of the
narcissist's dysfunctional and precariously-balanced personality
depends on the plausibility of his stories and on their acceptance
by his Sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist invests an
inordinate time in substantiating his tales, collecting "evidence",
defending his version of events, and in re-interpreting reality to
fit his scenario. As a result, most narcissists are
self-delusional, obstinate, opinionated, and
argumentative.
    The narcissist's lies are
not goal-orientated. This is what makes his constant dishonesty
both disconcerting and incomprehensible. The narcissist lies at the
drop of a hat, needlessly, and almost ceaselessly. He lies in order
to avoid the Grandiosity Gap – when the abyss between fact and
(narcissistic) fiction becomes too gaping to ignore.
    The narcissist lies in
order to preserve appearances, uphold fantasies, support the tall
(and impossible) tales of his False Self and extract