Ace Jones: Mad Fat Adventures in Therapy Read Online Free

woman.
    â€œShe was acting a fool in Walmart and I couldn’t listen to it. I wasn’t even finished shopping but I went to get in the checkout line because I knew I had to get out of there because I just couldn’t listen to her anymore. Then she got in line behind me and I tried to ignore her, I really did, but she kept pushing her buggy up closer and closer to me and I just, I don’t know. She was giving me this look and you’ve got to understand that this was not a classy person and while I’m certainly not the classiest woman myself, I do have a full set of healthy white teeth.” I smile. She smiles.
    â€œSo . . .”
    â€œSo the lady checking me out was taking her time and there was that lady behind me talking on her cell phone and she was loud and she was cussing and she kept giving me the evil eye.”
    â€œThe evil eye?”
    â€œYes. The evil eye.” I give her the evil eye. She looks like she wants to laugh, but she doesn’t.
    â€œWhat was the cashier doing?”
    â€œTaking her sweet time,” I say again. “It was like she couldn’t hear the idiot lady at all. She was just in her own little world scanning my stuff and sticking it into a bag.”
    â€œWere there other people around?”
    â€œSure, but everyone was trying to keep their distance, you know. And there I was with her right behind me in the checkout line.”
    â€œWas she getting louder because she was getting closer to you?”
    I think about that for a moment. “Maybe,” I say.
    â€œSo you punched her?” I appreciate the lack of judgment in Rosemary’s tone when she asks me this.
    â€œYes, I did. When she pushed her cart up next to me that last time, instead of stepping out of the way again, I stepped around that buggy, looked her right in the eye, drew back my fist and knocked the ever-lovin’ shit out of her. She fell down. But then she jumped up like a cat and started cussing me like a dog and before I even knew what I was doing, I’d punched her a second time. She stayed down that time. And she finally shut up.”
    â€œWhat did the cashier do?”
    â€œShe said, ‘That’ll be sixty-three dollars and forty-three cents.’”
    Rosemary’s eyes tell me that she thinks that’s funny but, again, she doesn’t crack a smile. “So what happened then?”
    â€œWell, that stupid lady got up and ran over to the customer service counter and started yelling for someone to call 911. Her nose was bleeding, so she was able to make a huge scene.”
    â€œWhy didn’t she just call from her cell phone?”
    â€œWell, she dropped it when I hit her and it busted.” I breathe a sigh of relief. I haven’t told anyone the whole story. Just bits and pieces. It feels good to get it all out.
    â€œDo you plan to cover the expense for her phone?”
    â€œAbsolutely not.”
    â€œOkay, so you were arrested, but you didn’t go to jail?”
    â€œWell, yes, I did get locked up, but my friend Lilly posted my bail so I didn’t have to stay long. And then my court date was last week, and Patricia, that was her name I found out later, didn’t show up, so here I am.”
    â€œIs this the only time you’ve ever been arrested?”
    â€œUh, no.” I’m starting to feel like a real criminal. “There was one other time.”
    â€œWhat happened then?”
    â€œWe were stalking a friend’s husband who is now her ex-husband, and we were at a strip club in Memphis and we’d decided to go incognito so we went to this costume shop and ended up wearing dresses designed for men, but they looked really good on us, they really did.” Stoic Rosemary finally smiles. “I’m sure you heard all about that from Chloe. It was her ex-husband.”
    â€œChloe?”
    â€œYes. Chloe Stacks. She’s a regular here, isn’t she?”
    â€œYou know, the