Almost Broken Read Online Free

completely ridiculous but I can’t help it. I don’t even want to be near him right now. That’s how I ended up in the back seat of my own car. I didn’t feel like such an idiot until Chris looked at me like I was a wierdo. But I don’t care, it’s better this way. If he was Cal, I’d have hit him already.
    I thought I’d out grown this. I feel like the past two years haven’t happened and my emotions have taken control from my common sense again. This is too much. This is all going to be too much. I see it now, and I’m supposed to spend the entire day with him and his family. What if she shows up? I didn’t even think to ask him about her. What if she comes to dinner? I won’t be able to do it. I won’t be able to handle him brushing up against her, her running her hands through his hair. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. What the hell was I thinking?
    I hear Caylen yawn and move around in her car seat, and I’m reminded why I’m here and why I have to do this. Why I can’t throw temper tantrums and fold my arms and pout. I take her little hand in mine and sigh. I catch Chris watching me through the rearview mirror. He quickly looks away when he sees he’s been caught. Maybe he wasn’t looking at me. He does need to look at the mirror to drive, but since there are virtually no cars on this road, I guess it’s safe to assume he was looking at me.
    He doesn’t know me. I’ve come to that realization. I’m just some woman who he happens to have a kid by. Nothing else. He doesn’t remember a single thing about me. He doesn’t feel anything towards me. While we were at the zoo, for a while, I stopped thinking about the situation we’re in. It was just us, being. It was nice. He’s nice, he’s funny, and fun to be around. I could imagine things being easy with him. Jenna got easy. I got complicated, arrogant, selfish and secretive. It’s not hard to be with someone that’s easy. They probably never fight or argue. Chris doesn’t seem like the type. It’s not hard to love someone like that. He didn’t disappear on her for days at a time; he didn’t use sex to screw with her head. She didn’t have to deal with mood swings, condescending attitudes, or go through an entire pregnancy alone
    But she still gets the smile.
    She gets the easy part. Things will never ever be easy with me and Chris our—well, my and Cal’s—history will never let us have what they have.
    I sigh and try to focus on everything— anything but the situation at hand. I start to pay attention to how he drives, using his turn signal when switching lanes, even when no one is behind us, and staying within the speed limit. When we get to the point of him having Caylen without me, at least I won’t have to worry about his driving. My stomach tightens up. Eventually it will be Chris and Caylen. No, not Chris and Caylen . That’s wrong. It will be Chris, Jenna, and Caylen.
    No Cal.
    No me.
    We finally pull in front of the Scott’s, and he turns the car off.
    “I think I might skip dinner?” The words escape my mouth before my brain can filter them. I look over at Chris and expect him to look relieved, but he doesn’t. I think he looks disappointed, but that can’t be. Why want a woman who’s a problem around? He’s seen Caylen they’ve had a nice time. You’d think he’d be glad that I want to go.
    “I’m just really tired,” I explain. Well not tired. More like emotionally exhausted. It’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be, pretending to be indifferent and not in love with a person sitting a few inches from you and even harder when you see firsthand they love someone else. He pauses a minute then turns back towards me, his arm resting on the other side of the car’s headrest.
    “You’ll have to be the one to tell my mom you’re cutting the visit short with the granddaughter she’s probably been anxiously awaiting since we left,” he says with a tilt of his head and a smile that makes me