Are We Live? Read Online Free Page A

this.

    Steve:   You don’t want to hear it because you’re overweight and you’re selfish.

Long live the republic
    April 2011’s Royal Wedding extravaganza between handsome Prince William and bonny Catherine Middleton drew in crowds from across the globe …apart from poor Melvin from Milton Keynes. He wasn’t very happy about the nuptials. Not very happy at all.

    During a call to Jonathan Vernon-Smith’s show on the UK’s Three Counties Radio, Melvin professed the following:

      ‘I feel like I wanna kill myself. I am so sick of it. I mean, what is the point?’

      ‘It’s going to be like the night of the living dead. All the zombie-like creatures coming out, going, “OoooooOOOOoo! Lovely Royal Wedding!”’

    As if to hammer home his dissatisfaction, Melvin finished with, ‘Royal Wedding, Royal Wedding, ROYAL WEDDING. I tell you, I’m bloody FED UP!’ before hanging up.

    ‘There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.’
    AUTHOR JAROD KINTZ
Skip to the end
    In a segment on educational opportunity, BBC Radio 2 presenter Jeremy Vine received a phone call from a rather irate listener called Norman. Fit to burst by the time he finally got on air (his first words were ‘Ah, at last!’), Norman seemed unable to get to the point.

    During an incoherent diatribe that took in minute details from his early life, Norman told host Jeremy Vine not only to ‘pipe down for a bit’ but also to ‘shut up, just shut up, please, and listen to me’. Having got no further in his argument Norman was finally ushered off air. Studio guest, motivational speaker Brad Burton, was perhaps a little generous when he said, ‘Listen, Norman’s entitled to his opinion.’ While Jeremy Vine finished off the piece by voicing what all listeners had no doubt been thinking: ‘I don’t know what his opinion was.’

Oops, My Bad!
    Yes, radio listeners can be lunatics. But sometimes the presenters aren’t always that on the ball either.

Wrong number
    While live on air, Australian DJ Rod Smith called up what he thought was the weather centre at Forest Hill, Melbourne. The idea for the segment was to give radio listeners an up-to-date weather report straight from the horse’s mouth. Sadly, Smith mis-dialled …

    Rod:   Looks like we’re in for a fine day?
    Joe Public:   I would think so.
    Rod:   What’s it looking like your way?
    Joe Public:   Fine and sunny.
    Rod:   Going for a top twenty-three? What can you predict later on today, or through the week?
    Joe Public:   It will be a very sunny day. As you say, twenty-three.
    Rod:   And for Wednesday, would you say it’s going to improve?
    Joe Public:   I have no idea.
    Rod:   [Laughs and hesitates.] …Well, with the weather it can change very quickly. Going for a top twenty-three …looking very good.
    Joe Public:   Looking lovely, been out for my walk this morning.
    Rod:   You guys at Forest Hill keep us up-to-date.
    Joe Public:   I hope we’re not on air, Rod?
    Rod:   [Laughs, realizes he’s in the shit.] Yes, we are.
    Joe Public:   You got the wrong number, mate.

    FM breakfast show, Australia

    ‘Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.’
    COMEDIAN FRED ALLEN
    URBAN LEGENDS
The myths of live broadcast debunked
    In August 1984, during his weekly radio address to the nation, Ronald Reagan was thought to have announced, ‘My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia for ever. We begin bombing in five minutes.’

    However, Reagan did not in fact broadcast the bombing of Russia to a terrified wireless audience. According to reports he was known for regularly joking around prior to radio broadcasts. However, when the audio was leaked, the Russians were not amused.

CURRENT AFFAIRS
NEWSWORTHY GAFFES

    Faced with a continuity error, some television presenters crumble. Panicking when forced to fill screen time without a script, they