By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead Read Online Free
Author: Julie Anne Peters
Tags: Fiction - Young Adult
get to an off-ramp. I’m so sorry, Daelyn. Thank you for your patience.”
He says the words, but they don’t ring true.
“I hope you didn’t panic.”
He hates it even more than Mom when I have a wack attack. One time we got on an elevator—I think we were going to the shrink—and it was around lunchtime and people kept rushing in, punching the Open Door button and crushing me against the wall where I felt trapped and couldn’t breathe. I started to panic and hyperventilate, whimper and squirm because I couldn’t get out, get me out , and Mom was there, telling Dad to punch the button for the next floor. He made people move and they got angry, then he yanked my arm too hard to pull me through the crowd because my feet were planted, they were glued to the floor, the faces of everyone scowling at me and Dad shouting, “Move aside! Let us THROUGH!”
His guilt trip for forgetting me at school gets me out of kitchen cleanup, at least. I go to my room and log on to Through-the-Light.
WTG is Ways to Go. How to do it. Methods and Means. Each is rated 1 to 5, low to high, in terms of effectiveness, availability, and pain.
Exsanguination (bleeding to death)
Effectiveness: 4–5, if you cut an artery. Otherwise 1–2.
Oh, now you tell me, I think.
Time: Minutes to hours.
Availability: 5. Razor-sharp knives are best. Razor blades are difficult to hold when they’re covered with blood.
No kidding. I’d hated the blood. So much blood.
Pain: 2–3. Hurts at first.
Not that much. It hurts worse later, after you find out you failed.
Notes: Slitting wrists is a common suicide “gesture” and hardly ever results in anything more than a scar. Average time to die from a wrist-slitting depends on your height, weight, and how large and deep your wounds are. Expect at least two to four hours; longer if you weigh more or have increased body mass.
That was one miscalculation I made. Four hours, though? Of bleeding to death?
Strength and determination are required to cut deeply into groin or carotid arteries, which are the only wounds likely to kill you. Cutting your throat is difficult due to the fact that carotid arteries are protected by your windpipe. If you want to cut your wrists, cut along the blue vein on the underside of your arm. A hot bath helps, since it keeps the blood flowing quickly and slows down clotting. Position yourself so your wrists don’t fall inward against your body, blocking off blood flow.
That was my second mistake.
Wouldn’t the bath get cold in four hours?
Discovery danger is high.
Especially if you haven’t given yourself enough time.
This is giving me anxiety, and I don’t want to feel. I touch FF and scan the discussion topics. Same as before. I pick Bequests .
I leave my extensive LEGOS collection to Dmitri R*. I’d like Dmitri R* to take my dog.
J_Doe090859 should talk to Dmitri R* first. What if Dmitri R* doesn’t want his dog? I’m pretty sure J_Doe090859 is a guy. Girls don’t leave LEGOS as legacies.
I bequest and bequeeth my wedding vail to my beloved husband, Ferdnor, who proceded me in death. He passed suddunly last year from a massiave heart attack. I find I can not live without him. Nor do I want to.
So far on my list of property to bequeath I have my clothes, which should just be burned because Mom picked most of them out and they’re hideous; my new computer, which isn’t really mine because nothing Dad buys really belongs to me; my books, which I’m dealing with in my own way; and all my other earthly possessions that I threw into the closet when we moved here. If I were a generous person, I’d donate my stuff to a children’s charity or something.
I’m not, obviously.
For trash day I’m going to gather a pile of old games and clothes and worthless junk that would only remind them of me, and shove them into a Glad bag. The next-door neighbors have tons of trash, so one more bag won’t be noticed in the pickup. The trick is sneaking the bag out there
He says the words, but they don’t ring true.
“I hope you didn’t panic.”
He hates it even more than Mom when I have a wack attack. One time we got on an elevator—I think we were going to the shrink—and it was around lunchtime and people kept rushing in, punching the Open Door button and crushing me against the wall where I felt trapped and couldn’t breathe. I started to panic and hyperventilate, whimper and squirm because I couldn’t get out, get me out , and Mom was there, telling Dad to punch the button for the next floor. He made people move and they got angry, then he yanked my arm too hard to pull me through the crowd because my feet were planted, they were glued to the floor, the faces of everyone scowling at me and Dad shouting, “Move aside! Let us THROUGH!”
His guilt trip for forgetting me at school gets me out of kitchen cleanup, at least. I go to my room and log on to Through-the-Light.
WTG is Ways to Go. How to do it. Methods and Means. Each is rated 1 to 5, low to high, in terms of effectiveness, availability, and pain.
Exsanguination (bleeding to death)
Effectiveness: 4–5, if you cut an artery. Otherwise 1–2.
Oh, now you tell me, I think.
Time: Minutes to hours.
Availability: 5. Razor-sharp knives are best. Razor blades are difficult to hold when they’re covered with blood.
No kidding. I’d hated the blood. So much blood.
Pain: 2–3. Hurts at first.
Not that much. It hurts worse later, after you find out you failed.
Notes: Slitting wrists is a common suicide “gesture” and hardly ever results in anything more than a scar. Average time to die from a wrist-slitting depends on your height, weight, and how large and deep your wounds are. Expect at least two to four hours; longer if you weigh more or have increased body mass.
That was one miscalculation I made. Four hours, though? Of bleeding to death?
Strength and determination are required to cut deeply into groin or carotid arteries, which are the only wounds likely to kill you. Cutting your throat is difficult due to the fact that carotid arteries are protected by your windpipe. If you want to cut your wrists, cut along the blue vein on the underside of your arm. A hot bath helps, since it keeps the blood flowing quickly and slows down clotting. Position yourself so your wrists don’t fall inward against your body, blocking off blood flow.
That was my second mistake.
Wouldn’t the bath get cold in four hours?
Discovery danger is high.
Especially if you haven’t given yourself enough time.
This is giving me anxiety, and I don’t want to feel. I touch FF and scan the discussion topics. Same as before. I pick Bequests .
I leave my extensive LEGOS collection to Dmitri R*. I’d like Dmitri R* to take my dog.
J_Doe090859 should talk to Dmitri R* first. What if Dmitri R* doesn’t want his dog? I’m pretty sure J_Doe090859 is a guy. Girls don’t leave LEGOS as legacies.
I bequest and bequeeth my wedding vail to my beloved husband, Ferdnor, who proceded me in death. He passed suddunly last year from a massiave heart attack. I find I can not live without him. Nor do I want to.
So far on my list of property to bequeath I have my clothes, which should just be burned because Mom picked most of them out and they’re hideous; my new computer, which isn’t really mine because nothing Dad buys really belongs to me; my books, which I’m dealing with in my own way; and all my other earthly possessions that I threw into the closet when we moved here. If I were a generous person, I’d donate my stuff to a children’s charity or something.
I’m not, obviously.
For trash day I’m going to gather a pile of old games and clothes and worthless junk that would only remind them of me, and shove them into a Glad bag. The next-door neighbors have tons of trash, so one more bag won’t be noticed in the pickup. The trick is sneaking the bag out there
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