Chimera Read Online Free

created after a long absence from the art world.
    After I wash my hands and clean up some of the mess surrounding the wall, I hear my bed calling my name. I turn off the music and take my laptop with me, saddened there’s still no word from the beautiful Sera. After setting it down on my nightstand, I strip to my boxer briefs and climb in under the down comforter. The flannel sheets feel soft against my skin, welcoming me back like an old lover. I’m out before my head hits the pillow.
    The incessant ding of the Facebook messenger drags me kicking and screaming out of my comatose state. It takes a minute for me to clear the cobwebs and realize what I’m hearing. I glance at the clock, taking note that it’s nearly four and I’ve totally fucked up my sleep schedule taking an all-day siesta. I don’t bother to sit up, just pull my laptop onto my chest, wiggle my finger on the track pad, and wait for the MacBook to come to life. My heart nearly explodes when I see her name at the top of the box.
    Sera : Hey Bastian
    Sera : I know you said you haven’t done anything related to painting in quite some time and this is probably really forward and maybe even super awkward but I thought I’d give it a shot. Do you have a minute?
    Sera : I saw you online and hoped to catch you but I guess you’re busy. It was dumb anyhow. Hope you have a great day. Catch you later.
    Fuck! I see the time on the last message was ten minutes ago. I swear to Christ if I missed talking to her I’m never fucking sleeping again.
    Me : Hey there. Sorry, I was asleep and had left Facebook open. You still around?
    The minutes seem to be hours, ticking away. There’s no green dot next to her name on my list so I know she’s not online. Always a day late and a dollar short. Throwing the bedspread aside, my computer follows suit, I then stomp to the bathroom to piss. I can’t believe I fucking missed her. I haven’t left that damn computer for two solid days hoping to hear from her. I finally collapse, and that’s when she chooses to reach out. Maybe it’s good I wasn’t readily available, but hell, I desperately want to talk to her. The thoughts race through my mind—disappointment, the realization of how ridiculous I’m being, pissed off I was asleep, and desperate to just go back to a state of unconsciousness to avoid dealing with any of the aforementioned issues.
    My mental state is fragile at best, although most of the time, I refuse to acknowledge it.
    Today it’s at the forefront of my mind. I’m irrational and acting like a hormonal teenager desperate to talk to a girl he doesn’t really even know. Sadly, at this stage of my life, I should be able to handle basic human interaction and the fact relationships take time to grow—be it friendship or soul mates, although that last one is grasping desperately for something that doesn’t exist for me anymore. But I can’t handle those basic concepts. I’m at a point where I need her. I need Sera to provide me a salvation and deliver me from the valley of death. I’m walking on the edge, and this is the first time I’ve even looked up to notice I might possibly crawl back out of the pit. Illogically, I’ve convinced myself she’s the rope secured to a solid foundation that will rescue me.
    As I wash my hands, I look in the mirror and I barely recognize the man staring back at me. He’s old and haggard looking, not the thirty-year-old who should be there. The sadness in his dark-brown eyes is overwhelming, haunting. The skin on his face is loose from weight loss, and if I didn’t know it was the lighting in the bathroom, I would think he has jaundice. I knew the man inside died years ago, but I haven’t accepted the fact that I’m slowly killing the body on the outside.
    Facebook notification.
    Fuck. Messenger. Taking off in a near sprint to reach my computer, I slide across the bedroom floor and slam my shoulder into the wall. The throbbing pain doesn’t deter me from my mission as