Clovenhoof Read Online Free Page A

imperial.”
    Nerys knelt down again and began feeling the man’s arms for fractures. The woman looked at the photograph.
    “How many emergencies?”
    “Several,” said Nerys.
    “How many?”
    “Two,” said Nerys. “Including this one.”
    “Two is not several.”
    “Two is more than one and therefore is several.” She put her arms under the man’s shoulder and began to turn him over. “Sir, I’m just going to put you in the recovery position.”
    “Oh, what’s the point?” he said, producing fresh tears.
    “To stop you swallowing your tongue, I think.”
    “Hang on,” said the woman. “Did you ask someone to take a picture of you giving this boy the Heimlich Manoeuvre?”
    “Yes,” said Nerys irritably, getting the man onto his side.
    “He was choking but you stopped to get out your phone so someone could take a photo before you stopped him choking?”
    “Who wants to see a photograph of someone who is no longer choking ?” She raised her eyebrows to her patient. She was sure he understood that the woman was some sort of imbecile.
    “Suicides go straight to hell,” the man was muttering unhappily. “Straight to hell.”
    “You’re all right, now,” she said soothingly.
    She felt his legs for signs of injury. There was something odd about his legs. His knees seemed to be in the wrong place, his leg going backwards when it should be going forward. It was as though he had one too many joints in each leg. That, or he had the legs of an animal...
    Nerys shook her head to herself, looked up and was irritated to see the woman still there. “Do you plan to stand there all day?” she said.
    “I don’t think you have a clue what you’re doing,” said the woman.
    Nerys snorted.
    “Well, at least make yourself useful. You’ve got my phone.”
    “Of course. Do you think he needs an ambulance?”
    “I mean, take some pictures. Make sure you get both of us in them.”
     
    “Where are you taking me?” asked Clovenhoof.
    Nerys put her shoulder under his armpit and helped him out of her car.
    “You don’t have to do this,” he said.
    “You just need somewhere to sit down. Maybe a cup of tea, yes?”
    “Don’t take me to a hospital.”
    “You said that before. Here we are.”
    He raised his head. They were approaching the door of a tall old house on a long road of other tall old houses.
    “This is your house?” he said.
    “I have a flat here,” said Nerys. “Well, it’s technically my Aunt Molly’s flat but I live with her and pay her bills and she’s an old lady so, you know, fingers crossed, it’ll be mine soon enough. Do you live nearby?”
    He looked up at a sign in a first floor window that read, “Flat to Let”.
    “Er, no,” he said. “I’ve recently been relocated.”
    She stopped at the door and fished for a key in her coat pocket.
    “Where are you from? Originally?”
    He raised his eyes to the heavens. “Here. There. Nowhere.”
    “You’re not an illegal immigrant, are you?” she asked.
    He frowned.
    “I couldn’t even begin to answer that question.”
    “Not that I’m judging,” she said hurriedly. “I know that I’m a lucky woman to have been born in this country. Who can blame people for wanting to come here?”
    “I was hoping to go back home.”
    “Maybe you will one day.”
    Nerys unlocked the door and then half-led half-dragged him up several flights of stairs.
    Ten minutes later, he found himself sat in a high-backed armchair, nursing a cup of strong sweet tea whilst the weird young woman quietly argued with her shrill-voiced but otherwise invisible aunt in another room. A dog no larger than a gerbil was staring with what seemed to be intense fury at the new houseguest’s feet.
    “What?” said Clovenhoof.
    The terrier leapt forward and gripped the edge of his hooves with its tiny sharp teeth.
    “Get off,” he hissed and shook his foot but the dog seemed to think it was now a game and with a pitiful growl, gnawed at the hard keratin.
    “My