Diary of a Mad Bride Read Online Free
Author: Laura Wolf
“honey” before blowing me off to go back to sleep? I go with loving and responsible. After all, he does have an 8 A.M. meeting and he could have gone back to his apartment to sleep, but he wanted to spend our engagement night together.
I’m marrying a man who’s romantic AND gainfully employed. What a rush! Good-bye, losers!
• Jonas the painter: An “abstract-impressionist”?
• Anthony the inventor: Who’s going to wear Velcro swimwear?
• Rick the conga drum player: Constantly sweet-talked me into doing his laundry. What was I thinking?
It all seems like ages ago. As if my decision to marry has suddenly put decades of distance between my life before Stephen and now. Our commitment to each other has solidified our union and built this impregnable wall around us. This is forever.
august 2nd
W ork was a complete waste today. I couldn’t stop smiling and I had the attention span of an A.D.D. poster child. I was certain that someone would figure it out. I mean, for Christ’s sake, I was glowing! All during the department meeting—glow, smile, glow, smile, glow, smile…
But no one noticed. Which is strange, because I work at New York’s least read magazine. No one ever smiles. Or glows.
Further complicating matters was the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone about my engagement. I decided on my way to work that my mother should be the first person to know. After all, she gave me life, right? It’s a matter of respect. So here I was with the greatest news since control-top pantyhose and I’d sworn myself to silence.
Silence isn’t my style. Just ask my secretary, Kate, who pops Advil throughout the day and routinely complains of carpal tunnel syndrome when I dictate letters.
I decided to take the commuter train upstate this weekend and tell my mother in person. Face-to-face so we can embrace in this most intimate of mother-daughter moments.The minute I got to my office I called to tell her I’d be arriving on Friday night.
Unfortunately the woman who gave me life is too busy to see me for the next two weeks.
School starts in less than a month and she’s got to prepare a new curriculum for her fourth-grade class. So I’ll wait. I may have to staple my mouth shut, but I’ll wait so those lice-infested, snot-encrusted nine-year-olds can have a shot at a decent education. But it’s worth it. After all, how many times does a girl get to tell her mother she’s getting married?
august 3rd
T his silence thing is killing me. Stephen thinks I’m crazy. I think I’m driving him crazy. He’s the only one I can talk to about the engagement so I’ve called him forty-six times since yesterday morning. That’s approximately once every half hour. I’ve gotten no work done and he’s forwarded his calls to voice mail.
So in an effort to contain myself I channeled my exuberance toward a worthy cause: shoe shopping.
I pass the Kenneth Cole shoe store every day, and this was the first time I noticed the display of bridal shoes in the window. After work I tried on a pair of simple, classic, reasonably priced white satin sling-backs. I actually considered buying them before it occurred to me—
I’VE ONLY BEEN ENGAGED FOR SEVENTY-TWO HOURS AND ALREADY I’M BUYING FOOTWEAR?!
Talk about overzealous. It’s like preparing the spit before you’ve shot the pig. How Mandy of me! So I hurriedout of the store and bought a low-fat blueberry muffin instead. 14
----
14 But not by choice. Trust me, delusion doesn’t live here…. She’s over at Jenny Craig’s house. They were sold out of my favorite full-fat chocolate chip muffins with the powder sugar top.
august 5th
I don’t understand why people have such trouble organizing weddings. All you need is a good list.
Luckily, I’m the list queen.
I’ve always made lists. That’s why I’m so good at my job. I’m organized and in control. I’m on top of the situation, always. As a fast-rising magazine editor I’ve overseen articles on housing
I’m marrying a man who’s romantic AND gainfully employed. What a rush! Good-bye, losers!
• Jonas the painter: An “abstract-impressionist”?
• Anthony the inventor: Who’s going to wear Velcro swimwear?
• Rick the conga drum player: Constantly sweet-talked me into doing his laundry. What was I thinking?
It all seems like ages ago. As if my decision to marry has suddenly put decades of distance between my life before Stephen and now. Our commitment to each other has solidified our union and built this impregnable wall around us. This is forever.
august 2nd
W ork was a complete waste today. I couldn’t stop smiling and I had the attention span of an A.D.D. poster child. I was certain that someone would figure it out. I mean, for Christ’s sake, I was glowing! All during the department meeting—glow, smile, glow, smile, glow, smile…
But no one noticed. Which is strange, because I work at New York’s least read magazine. No one ever smiles. Or glows.
Further complicating matters was the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone about my engagement. I decided on my way to work that my mother should be the first person to know. After all, she gave me life, right? It’s a matter of respect. So here I was with the greatest news since control-top pantyhose and I’d sworn myself to silence.
Silence isn’t my style. Just ask my secretary, Kate, who pops Advil throughout the day and routinely complains of carpal tunnel syndrome when I dictate letters.
I decided to take the commuter train upstate this weekend and tell my mother in person. Face-to-face so we can embrace in this most intimate of mother-daughter moments.The minute I got to my office I called to tell her I’d be arriving on Friday night.
Unfortunately the woman who gave me life is too busy to see me for the next two weeks.
School starts in less than a month and she’s got to prepare a new curriculum for her fourth-grade class. So I’ll wait. I may have to staple my mouth shut, but I’ll wait so those lice-infested, snot-encrusted nine-year-olds can have a shot at a decent education. But it’s worth it. After all, how many times does a girl get to tell her mother she’s getting married?
august 3rd
T his silence thing is killing me. Stephen thinks I’m crazy. I think I’m driving him crazy. He’s the only one I can talk to about the engagement so I’ve called him forty-six times since yesterday morning. That’s approximately once every half hour. I’ve gotten no work done and he’s forwarded his calls to voice mail.
So in an effort to contain myself I channeled my exuberance toward a worthy cause: shoe shopping.
I pass the Kenneth Cole shoe store every day, and this was the first time I noticed the display of bridal shoes in the window. After work I tried on a pair of simple, classic, reasonably priced white satin sling-backs. I actually considered buying them before it occurred to me—
I’VE ONLY BEEN ENGAGED FOR SEVENTY-TWO HOURS AND ALREADY I’M BUYING FOOTWEAR?!
Talk about overzealous. It’s like preparing the spit before you’ve shot the pig. How Mandy of me! So I hurriedout of the store and bought a low-fat blueberry muffin instead. 14
----
14 But not by choice. Trust me, delusion doesn’t live here…. She’s over at Jenny Craig’s house. They were sold out of my favorite full-fat chocolate chip muffins with the powder sugar top.
august 5th
I don’t understand why people have such trouble organizing weddings. All you need is a good list.
Luckily, I’m the list queen.
I’ve always made lists. That’s why I’m so good at my job. I’m organized and in control. I’m on top of the situation, always. As a fast-rising magazine editor I’ve overseen articles on housing
Readers choose
Assorted Baen authors, Barflies
Lauren Smith
Nicholas Adams
Silken Bondage
Mark Dryden
Keren David
Lynsey Addario
J. R. Roberts
Sean Michael
Stuart Spears