Experiment in Terror 06.5 And With Madness Comes the Light Read Online Free

a little bit more in
it than the others did, which didn’t make sense since I always had
to take an equal amount of each.
    I cleared my desk and shook out the contents
in neat little piles and then slowly started going through them,
counting each pill, looking for irregularities. The bottle that was
the most full had sixteen more pills than the other ones did. That
didn’t bode well. I picked up one of the small yellow ones and
peered at it—Z over 3926. I’d never examined my pills closely
enough to know if it said that before, so I quickly hopped on
Google.
    In a second I learned that it was five
milligrams of diazepam. Valium.
    And yet, somehow I couldn’t believe it.
There had to be some weird mistake. Perry would never do that to
me. She couldn’t…she wouldn’t.
    I looked at the white pills next. There
wasn’t a mark on them; they were smooth and clean. But that didn’t
seem right either. Those were my anti-hallucinogens, the strongest
you could get. They’d have to be marked. With panic reaching around
me like one bad-ass boa constrictor, I Googled the name of my
medication. It should have R20 0168 on it. Or 7655 or
something.
    These had nothing. They weren’t my
medication.
    I’d been taking low-grade Valium and a
mystery pill for the last few weeks. My other pills still seemed to
be what they were, but that wasn’t enough to keep me at an even
keel.
    Perry had switched my medication on me, for
who knows what reason. She’d seen me freaking the fuck out in an
alleyway, terrified out of my mind. She’d heard me tell her about
the mental institute. She was there to hear it all, my soul laid
bare in complete honesty. She watched me suffer, she discovered my
deepest fears.
    And she hadn’t said anything.
    For the first time in a while I was able to
ignore the heartache—the extreme, gut-wrenching betrayal—as anger
came buzzing through me like kamikaze pilots. I was mad. I was
livid. I was enraged. Nothing else that happened, nothing that I’d
heard on the tapes, meant anything to me at that moment. All I
could see and feel was that Perry had fucked with my life like I
was some god damn science experiment and lied through her brilliant
teeth while she watched me succumb.
    I welcomed the anger with clenched fists and
open arms.
     
     
     

CHAPTER THREE
     
     
     
    Apparently, the world didn’t stop just
because you did. Despite the days I spent in an emotional coma,
drinking and smoking my way out of my web of lies, Christmas was
still approaching. I didn’t really notice unless I left the house,
popping in at the shop across the street to get my jugs of
beer-to-go and bottles of wine. The twinkling lights, Mariah Carey
music, and false cheer were like the final nail in my coffin. Life
was going on at its shitastic rate, and yet, there I was, smelly,
barely clothed, and drinking myself to death. It didn’t fit. No one
deserved to feel better than I did. I wanted everyone to know the
endless rage and sorrow that wouldn’t scrub away. It wasn’t fair
that they escaped and I didn’t.
    Sometimes I really hated Perry. I’d think
about her and feel nothing but this animosity, this dark fuel that
filtered through my veins like sludge. I wallowed in it, embracing
the hate, dancing with it, for hate was a much more potent and
powerful lover than sadness ever was. It made me feel vindicated
and alive.
    But in the mornings, it would fade. Over
time, the anger would subside. And so would the heartache. I was
down to feeling nothing at all. It was brilliant.
    Since I’d stopped caring, it made everything
else easier to deal with. I still managed to take Fat Rabbit out
for his walks, but other than that, I just didn’t give a shit. I
thought I was pretty good at it too. Once again, I was ignoring my
phone calls. In fact, I forgot to charge my phone and left it dead.
I didn’t check emails. I didn’t do anything.
    Occasionally, I would think about Pippa’s
message to me. I guess I took some of it to my