Falling Hard Read Online Free Page A

“And?”
     
    “Why doesn’t he call me?”
     
    Jim. Again. Damn it! I didn’t want to talk about him. And I sure as hell wasn't in the mood to keep making excuses for him. How was I suppose to explain why he hadn't called either of us when all I wanted was Tanya? I wanted to feel her...to move with her...to love her.
     
    Instead of surrendering to my need for her, I tried to give her what I knew she needed--comfort.
     
    I pulled back from her, hoping the distance would clear my head and enable me to think. “He’s probably busy with—what do they call them? I don’t know. Interviews? Auditions?”
     
    She drew closer and grabbed me by the shoulders. “How can he be too busy to make a phone call?”
     
    What can you say to that, Tom? He sure as hell is finding time to ward off the loneliness you're dealing with. There was no way Jim was spending his nights sleeping alone.
     
    She dug her fingers into my arms and attempted to shake me before she pulled away. “He’s not coming back for me, is he?”
     
    I still believed he was coming back for her. I didn't feel any particular need to try to cover for him, but the sight of hope draining from her wasn't working for me. “Of course he is,” I tried to reassure her.
     
    She shook her head. “You know he isn’t!”
     
    “He is coming back.”
     
    “Then why haven't I heard from him?”
     
    Good question. “I know he plans to return for you.”
     
    “But?”
     
    “But even if he doesn’t return, there’s no problem.”
     
    “If he doesn't return, I'm screwed!”
     
    “No you're not.” I stood up slowly, lifting her to her feet as I did. “You don’t have to worry,” I told her softly, caressing her cheek with the back of my hand. “Not about anything. I’ll always be here for you, Tanya.”
     
    I saw her eyes widen, and heard her catch her breath. She shook her head and backed away from me.
     
    Great. I’d given myself away. Now she'd be afraid of me.
     
    “Your dinner is in the oven...I'm going...I don't think a drive tonight would be...I'm not in the mood to do anything but just stay in my room and read.”
     
    * * *
     
    Determined not to give her a chance to humiliate me, I avoided her as much as possible after betraying my feelings. I got up too late to have breakfast with her, worked as much overtime as I could, and instead of going home for dinner, I spent my nights hanging out at strip clubs with Ryan.
     
    I got aroused watching the dancers and even had a few lap dances, but still arrived home wanting Tanya. I was too old to waste my time longing for a woman who belonged to Jim so I started dating Karen, the bookkeeper at work. It was all a ploy to keep my mind off Tanya, and for a while it seemed to work—especially when Karen invited me to spend the night on our third date.
     
    The relief from that night of meaningless sex was short-lived. When I went home the next morning, Tanya pounced on me demanding to know where'd I been all night and why I hadn't called. I didn’t like that she made me feel like a cheating hubby caught with his pants down.
     
    “I'm an adult, Tanya. I don't need your permission to spend the night with my woman.”
     
    “Your woman? You have a woman? Jim said that you...he said you weren't seeing anyone.”
     
    “You're old enough to know better than to believe everything he tells you,” I said and walked away.
     
    She followed me to my bedroom. “Why didn't you at least call? I thought something had happened to you.”
     
    It would be a cold day in hell when she worried about anyone but Jim. I went into my bedroom and closed the door in her face. Chew on that, Tanya.
     
    Needless to say things between us was a little on the chilly side after that. But I took it in stride. We still hadn't heard from Jim, but I knew he'd return for her sooner or later. So there was no point in minding that she was pissed at me. Soon she'd be out of my life and I could concentrate on forgetting