the Core before I realize Iâm doing it. Then I realize Iâm looking for Miranda. No , I tell myself. Not a good idea.
On my way back to the ship, my pockets full of the Coreâs foodâI mean, I have been working for themâI run into Clay again. He cocks his head at me, which just makes me want to punch him. I resist the urge. But only barely.
âSo you couldnât hack it,â he says, a smirk on his face. And my willpower slips just a bit more. âWell, I canât say that itâs a surprise.â
âMove out of my way,â I say.
âWeâre going to do it, you know. Weâre going to change the world. While youâre picking among the scraps of the old world, weâre going to create a new one.â
I think of about thirty things I could say to him, about ten ways I could hurt him. But in the end, I just push past him on the way back to my ship.
âDonât worry,â he says at my back. âIâll look after Miranda.â
I stop for just a split-second, then curse myself for it. But I force myself not to turn around. Then I continue walking.
All I want is to be in the air. To be in the air and fly away.
So thatâs exactly what I do.
I have to admit as I fly the Cherub away that sheâs handling better than she has in years. Sergei and some of his friends were good mechanics. Iâm going to miss having their input. Their tools. Their skills.
Shut up, Ben. Thatâs all done.
I scan the horizon from the gondola, then flip on the sound system, an old phonograph Dad installed even before I came along. Records are hard to come by these days. Especially when back in the Clean theyâd moved on to anything digital. But Dad used to say that records couldnât fail. And every so often youâd come across a stash in an old house or a store, and from time to time youâd find them at trader stands. Weâd lost a lot among the yearsâfrom too many scratches or just plain breaking, but there was still a decent stack left on the Cherub . I put on George Harrison, one of my old-time favorites, and rock gently to the music as I fly the Cherub across the sky.
Truth be told, it feels a little weird to be on my own again. Despite so many years of being alone, it seemed like the last six months had a greater gravity to them, more momentum. It feels weird knowing that I donât have a place to go back to. Even though the Cherub was always my home.
On the other hand, it means freedom. I can go where I want, do what I want. Beholden to no one.
Foraging is my life. Iâm good at it. Iâd stayed alive this long, hadnât I?
I think I might fly down over Southern California, near the coast. The heat would be nice, and the water. I canât remember how long itâs been since Iâve had a swim in the ocean. Thatâs one nice thing about the oceanâno Ferals. They live near the coast sometimes, but they donât swim. At least not out too far. And the Bug canât live in saltwater. That makes the ocean feel safe. Of course last time I took a splash I couldnât stop thinking about what was swimming beneath me. Unseen creatures in the dark. Probably harmless, but then again, maybe not. I figured they were happy about the Bug. It meant a lot less of them dying. It meant a change in the ecosystem. And many would say a change for the better.
But still. The Bug.
Harrison chugs on in the background telling me all things must pass.
I think about Miranda and Sergei and the others. I try not to think about Clay. I think about how their little house, the Core, might as well be made of twigs and branches. I think about how just one wrong move, bringing in a Feral, for example, could topple it.
I think about all that food. All that clean water. All that potential. Wasted. It makes me angry. So I stop. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about all of them.
I reach for whatâs left in the moonshine bottle