Hold Me Close Read Online Free

be able to slide right back into her life like nothing had changed. Even now, she wasn’t sure what changed or how they changed.
    She bit her lip against a smile. That was why she needed to see Dr. Janzen.
    Dr. Janzen’s door was closed, but no I N S ESSION sign hung, so Maggie knocked. No one answered, so she took a seat to wait.
    Moments later, Dr. Janzen came in through the office carrying a cup of coffee.
    The woman didn’t appear to age. Her short brown hair was still cut in a cute bob. Today she wore a gray skirt and white blouse. Maggie had always imagined Dr. Janzen’s closet as a severely organized space, with each skirt paired with an appropriate blouse. Maggie had seen this exact outfit many times. She was pretty sure she was familiar with the doc’s entire wardrobe.
    “Maggie, how are you?”
    Maggie stood and shook Dr. Janzen’s hand. “I’m pretty good, thanks.”
    She walked ahead of Dr. Janzen into the office and waited while she flipped the I N S ESSION sign outside the door before closing it. Maggie sank onto the dark brown suede couch. “New furniture.”
    Dr. Janzen nodded as she took a seat and set her coffee on the table beside her. “How are you really doing?”
    “I’m good. I’m back home now.”
    “And how were your travels?”
    “Fabulous. I saw so much and made friends.”
    “I bet your family is happy to have you back.”
    “Yeah, I think so.”
    Dr. Janzen didn’t say anything. Maggie knew she was allowing time for Maggie to gather her thoughts and figure out what to say.
    “I feel like a fraud,” she finally blurted.
    “How do you mean?”
    Maggie looked out the window and clasped her hands in her lap. “I told Ryan I wanted to travel because I felt like I was missing out on life. It was partly true, but I felt suffocated here.” She took a deep breath. “The thing is, a lot of that followed me.”
    Dr. Janzen still didn’t speak.
    “I had a great time traveling. But I’m still missing out. I came back because I’m worried about my mom. After her heart attack, all I could think about was that she could die and I wouldn’t be here. Plus, my siblings are all moving on, getting married, having kids. I’m still missing out.”
    “How does that make you feel like a fraud?”
    Maggie licked her lips. “I dated while I was in Ireland.”
    Dr. Janzen nodded and waited.
    “I couldn’t have sex, though. Even when I wanted to, I couldn’t follow through.” She thought of Ian and how much she’d wanted to have sex with him.
    “Maggie, we talked about recovery. Everyone moves at a different pace.”
    “But I felt ready. I liked this guy. And I miss being with someone, you know, really being with them.”
    “Feeling ready is good.”
    “Then I kind of froze, like a wave of fear washed over me.”
    “And then?”
    “I stopped.” Maggie leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and held her head. “Ian didn’t take it well.”
    Dr. Janzen scooted forward in her seat. “How did you feel?”
    “Like a failure.” She shook her head. “I wanted to, but couldn’t do it. And Ian stood there, looking at me like I was a freak.”
    “Did he know you’d been raped?”
    Again, Maggie shook her head.
    “That is a vital conversation, Maggie. Anyone you plan to be intimate with has to be aware.”
    “It’s not something you toss out over dinner, you know? I don’t even know what to say.”
    “It needs to be said. What if you’re with a man you really care about and he does something that triggers panic and fear in you? If he doesn’t know about your past, he won’t know how to help you.”
    “I just wanted to be a normal girlfriend.”
    “This is your normal.”
    “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
    Dr. Janzen smiled. “No, you don’t. Any other memories or triggers?”
    Maggie lifted a shoulder. “I’ve avoided things that could be triggers.” Leaning back on the couch, she added, “But I’m going to talk to Ryan about working at the bar and getting