They had not only handled him, they had made him.
I wonder, Phillip, his father had said, why you want to waste a good mind and a good body. Why you want to let the bastards win.
Phillip, who was suffering from the raw gut and burstinghead of a drug and alcohol hangover, didnât give a good damn.
Ray took him out on the boat, telling him that a good sail would clear his head. Sick as a dog, Phillip leaned over the rail, throwing up the remnants of the poisons heâd pumped into his system the night before.
Heâd just turned fourteen.
Ray anchored the boat in a narrow gut. He held Phillipâs head, wiped his face, then offered him a cold can of ginger ale.
âSit down.â
He didnât so much sit as collapse. His hands shook, his stomach shuddered at the first sip from the can. Ray sat across from him, his big hands on his knees, his silvering hair flowing in the light breeze. And those eyes, those brilliant blue eyes, level and considering.
âYouâve had a couple of months now to get your bearings around here. Stella says youâve come around physically. Youâre strong, and healthy enoughâthough you arenât going to stay that way if you keep this up.â
He pursed his lips, said nothing for a long moment. There was a heron in the tall grass, still as a painting. The air was bright and chill with late fall, the trees bare of leaves so that the hard blue sky spread overhead. Wind ruffled the grass and skimmed fingers over the water.
The man sat, apparently content with the silence and the scene. The boy slouched, pale of face and hard of eye.
âWe can play this a lot of ways, Phil,â Ray said at length. âWe can be hard-asses. We can put you on a short leash, watch you every minute and bust your balls every time you screw up. Which is most of the time.â
Considering, Ray picked up a fishing rod, absently baited it with a marshmallow. âOr we could all just say that this little experimentâs a bust and you can go back into the system.â
Phillipâs stomach churned, making him swallow to holddown what he didnât quite recognize as fear. âI donât need you. I donât need anybody.â
âYeah, you do.â Ray said it mildly as he dropped the line into the water. Ripples spread, endlessly. âYou go back into the system, youâll stay there. Couple of years down the road, it wonât be juvie anymore. Youâll end up in a cell with the bad guys, the kind of guys who are going to take a real liking to that pretty face of yours. Some seven-foot con with hands like smoked hams is going to grab you in the showers one fine day and make you his bride.â
Phillip yearned desperately for a cigarette. The image conjured by Rayâs word made fresh sweat pop out on his forehead. âI can take care of myself.â
âSon, theyâll pass you around like canapés, and you know it. You talk a good game and you fight a good fight, but some things are inevitable. Up to this point your life has pretty much sucked. Youâre not responsible for that. But you are responsible for what happens from here on.â
He fell into silence again, clamping the pole between his knees before reaching for a cold can of Pepsi. Taking his time, Ray popped the top, tipped the can back, and guzzled.
âStella and I thought we saw something in you,â he continued. âWe still do,â he added, looking at Phillip again. âBut until you do, weâre not going to get anywhere.â
âWhat do you care?â Phillip tossed back miserably.
âHard to say at the moment. Maybe youâre not worth it. Maybe youâll just end up back on the streets hustling marks and turning tricks anyway.â
For three months heâd had a decent bed, regular meals, and all the books he could readâone of his secret lovesâat his disposal. At the thought of losing it his throat filled again, but he