Silly Girl Read Online Free

all sides. Emotion came to her in the form of vision. It gained physicality:
    The abhorrence she felt living with her overwrought mother came in the form of discharge. Shit crawled with flies. Scorpions moved over mounds of decaying flesh. Poison manipulated the feelings she had for her mother. In death, it came to life and chased her through the stars.
    “Amanda this, and Amanda that,” he mother always said. She was a wiry woman with heavy black circles under her eyes, a drug-addict. They were standing in the living room when Amanda asked her if she’d drive her and Michael to the park. Amanda had been ten at the time. “Precious little Amanda dear has to have everyone stop what they’re doing, so she can have her fun! Let me just put my fucking life on hold! Isn’t that what life islike for you, Amanda, darling? Sulk and sulk ’til she’s blue in her room…The whole family has to beg and plead, has to do a fire- dance in order to fulfill Amanda’s obligation to her busy lifestyle! God forbid we put a kink in her plans!”
    It went on and on. Her mother never let up:
    “I’m sure Amanda had something to do with it, the way she keeps to herself! Just look at her?”
    “If we didn’t have this extra mouth to feed! Michael doesn’t eat as much as you. Goddamn garbage disposal, is what you are. Amazing we have anything to eat at all. ”
    “It’s Amanda’s fault you didn’t get the job, Lou.” Lou was her uncle. “See, she didn’t want you to have it in the first place. Look at her!”
    “Your daddy would’ve stayed with me—he would’ve stayed —except for you, Amanda, the Great. Have to take care of you all the time, right? Like we’re not starving and on the verge of poverty already! But noooo, you want to get your ears pierced! You want to get a library card, so you can spend all you time reading stupid books when you should be doing your homework! Do you know how many people are looking for single mothers? None! That’s how many! Remember that when you’re old enough to get a job!”
    How could Amanda forget? Her existence was to torment, trouble, and build chaos, so mother could unnecessarily mourn her own pity. Didn’t people see how much Amanda’s mother suffered?
    “Screw you, mummy,” Amanda said, raising her middle finger with bold, confident rigidity.
    Amanda had a fetish for British comedy. She feigned the accent often. Back in death, she was doing so now:
    “See my finger, mummy? See how tall and bright? You and Jon, the Bloody Bastard Doctor can go fuck yourselves! That’s right! Have a lovely day! It is bright and warm out! Perhaps you should interest Jon in a walk round the park, love?”
    Amanda Dear had been quick to leave home. Unfortunately, she was quick to stumble upon Manny, Shelby, and Jon, the Violating Love-Doctor.
    Mercy? What was that earlier about an Invisible God? Of course, ladies and gentleman, there’s always more!
    Once, again the memory washed away.
    Through a cool wind—an infinite limbo of time, stars, and wonder—Amanda Dear sailed like a galactic ship—a single face maneuvering through the galaxies of a continually unfolding universe. She was a veteran for a day. If she had to endure hell and murder, she’d create them herself. If pain tarnished her fortune, she had no one to blame but the girl who’d run away years ago.
    Contentment to her freedom was another emotion. It came in the form of majestic ships sailing across sun-drenched blue waters.
    Space, life, time, longing, and emotion, continued to whiz past her pale, small ears. She piloted herself through a thousands stars of the life hereafter.
    Amanda Dear, heralded, she thought, you are pure woman!
    The power of sex moved through her, the purring engines of a cat. She was silk, softened, liquid-like femininity in the way she waltzed from room to room. She turned heads. People gawked at Amanda’s beauty. She was China pure, sand like silver, touchable throat, arms, and back. She was slow