Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One Read Online Free

burial ordinances our town had set in place. It was a
beautiful pine box engraved with all of our names. We didn’t hold a formal
funeral service - it was just us, my parents, and a few close friends. I barely
remembered the day. I felt like I was in a haze, like my mind was protecting
itself against the harshness of my reality.
    Blake
and I had nothing to offer each other that day and days after the funeral. We
were each so consumed with grief. Blake turned to his work like always, and I
turned to my best friends, Abby and Cheyenne and to my café.
    I
pulled around the little road that circled the cemetery and stopped near
Carter’s grave. I grabbed my sweater and wrapped it around me. Mornings were
still quite cool in April. I walked slowly toward the small gravestone,
thinking as I went. I looked around at all the newly budded trees and flowers.
I was happy to see them. It made being there less depressing. I knelt down in
front of his grave on the grass, still wet from the dew of the night. I could
feel water seep through my jeans and soak my skin, but I didn’t care.
    I
didn’t pray anymore when I came. I figured why bother, they had all gone
unanswered. I knelt there and thought as I looked at the inscribed name: Carter
Nicholas Summers. Nicholas was Blake’s middle name. There was no birth date or
death date. I wasn’t sure what to put since he had been stillborn. Besides his
name, all it said was “Son of Blake and Jessica Summers.”
    Seeing
our names together reminded me how far we had drifted apart. I wasn’t sure what
to do about it.  And considering Blake’s possible impending fatherhood, I was
even more confused.  As I sat thinking, it occurred to me that perhaps I should
start with me first. Maybe if I could love myself again, I could love Blake,
too. The lingering question was if I could love him and his child, if
she ended up being his.
    I
hadn’t even stopped to think of all the nuisances of him having a child. In the
back of my mind I hoped it wasn’t true. I suppose there would be a paternity
test. I mean, Sabrina could have made all this up. And why had she waited all
these years to tell him if she thought that was the case? But I knew I had to
prepare for the possibility and what that could possibly mean for us.
    Regardless,
I needed to work on myself, with or without Blake. I figured it was the first
step. I looked down again at the cold, carved headstone and I tried to remember
things about me, things I liked to do and liked about myself. I decided eating
was going back on the list first. I ate, but only barely, and I loved food. It
was my job to love food. It was time for me to get back into the kitchen and
begin creating again. Our menu needed more than a new design; it needed some
new food options.
    I
looked down at my tired, worn-out body and decided I should probably get back
to the gym. The exercise would probably be good for my state of mind, too.
Endorphins definitely couldn’t hurt. I knew I had more things to be added to
the list, but at least I had a starting place.
    I
lightly ran my fingers across his headstone before I stood up. The sun was now
over the horizon and I could barely feel its warmth. I took a deep breath and
tried to fish for some courage to go home and face my husband. The scary part
was I didn’t know how this would all end or how I even wanted it to end. I only
wanted it to be better.
    I
pulled into our large, detached, three-car garage and Blake’s truck wasn’t
there. I wasn’t surprised he was gone early even though it was Saturday, but I
was relieved. I was sure he was working on some job or other. We never really
talked about our professions anymore. He ran his company and I ran mine. We
even kept separate bank accounts. That was his choosing, not mine. We had
worked it out so that he paid half the bills and I paid the other half. He had
taken the most expensive half. It was an odd arrangement to be sure, and one I
wasn’t comfortable with at first. I