Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie Read Online Free Page B

swimming, playing sports, singing around campfires, and doing talent shows,’ Mom explained.
    ‘And eating doughnuts,’ added my dad. ‘She brought some – they’re amazing!’
    He closed his eyes and licked his lips. ‘I can still taste them.’
    ‘Your father ate three ,’ my Mom said, ‘because he’s clearly not worried  about his resting metabolic rate.’
    ‘Speaking of eating,’ I said. ‘I think they have bears up there. Polar, grizzly – you know, the kind that eats kids.’
    ‘I’m sure it’s very safe, Adam,’ Doctor Mom said. ‘Besides, we’ve paid the  money, signed all the release forms …’
    ‘Release from what?’
    Mom and Dad looked at one another.
    ‘It’s fine print stuff, champ. Grown-up stuff. Blah-blah,not our fault if you get eaten by a bear, that kind of thing.’
    ‘Not funny Dad,’ I said. ‘There’s a reason we live in cities and houses and not in the wild. The wild is wildly unpredictable!’
    ‘Come on you two,’ urged my mom. ‘The bus leaves soon, so eat up!’
    Amanda faked a bear impression as she devoured her pancakes.
    ‘And our new tenants arrive this afternoon.’ Dad smiled, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of the small fortune the vampire dentists would pay to take over our home. ‘Your mother and I are doing a road trip, just the two of us.’
    ‘Just like our honeymoon,’ Mom said.
    I couldn’t believe how eager they were to get rid of us.
    Mom and Dad walked to the bottom of the street and we joined a gaggle of parents and kids saying their goodbyes. I spotted Nesto and Corina. Jake was there too and at least a quarter of my soon-to-be eighth-grade class. † It seemed the Croxton parents were really cashing in on the vampire influx.
    I waved to Nesto, who was surrounded by his siblings and enveloped in a smothering hug from both his mom and his grandma. He wriggled out leaving his elders to continue their embrace. Nesto’s mom was weeping and I wasn’t sure if it was from joy or despair.
    Then I found Corina in the crowd, all alone. I moved to tap her on the shoulder and remembered the no touching rule.
    ‘Your parents aren’t into family send-offs?’ I asked.
    ‘They’re busy, you know with the dentist convention.’
    ‘Hey, Adam,’ said Jake, clutching an orange plastic bag from Croxton Hardware and Comics. ‘Yo, Corina.’
    She stared at him. ‘Never yo me!’
    ‘Guess what’s in the bag,’ Jake said excitedly.
    ‘Let me take a wild guess,’ said Corina. ‘Not hardware.’
    ‘I stocked up for the summer,’ he said, revealing a stack of graphic novels. ‘I don’t think they have comic shops in the wilderness.’
    A big bus rounded the corner and musically honked its horn. It sounded like a war cry from a tribal drumbeat. The destination sign announced ‘No Stop Till Nowannakidda’, and as the bus stopped, its door hissed open, a grinning camp director leaned out and invited us to: ‘Climb on for a one-way ticket to summer fun!’
    He introduced himself as Gordon, but claimed his camp name was ‘Growl’, which he said while embarrassingly impersonating a bear.
    Growl wore cargo shorts, an open plaid shirt over a white T-shirt and a sweat-stained baseball cap over his flowing, golden hair. He looked like a twenty-something surfer who’d been kicked off the waves one too many times.
    ‘All aboard, kids!’ he called. ‘I’ve got a checklist and I intend to check it. And parental types, give your kids one last squeeze. It’s camp time for them!’
    He called off our names one by one, and each of us, except for Corina, gave our parents a goodbye hug.
    Once everyone was aboard and settled in surprisingly clean and comfortable seats (with seat belts I might add!), the bus driver, a grim, gaunt-looking man, started the engine.
    I grabbed a seat beside Corina, right behind Nesto.
    She twitched when the door closed. ‘I don’t think this is a good idea, Adam.’
    Thirty human kids were locked inside a steel bus