Mountains of the Moon Read Online Free Page A

hair off, stitches looks like done by a learner.
    “What if they don’t know who I is?”
    She can’t hear me cos the car’s Big N’s start knocking. She’s going to a battered house what’s halfway to Chiswick, case the baby comes. I close the car door and go up the path and presses the bell. I wave to Mum as she pulls way but she int looking. Then the car backfires a cloud of black smoke and stops dead where it is. I see the light go on in the hall and the shape of Nanny and Grandad through the bobboldy glass. Nanny’s got giant boobies. When she hugs me the whole world goes deaf. Grandad squeezes me so hard I int got breath, has to hold on to the wall in the hall til I come back into view.
    “Where’s your mum, pet?” Grandad says.
    I point to Mum’s car smoking outside Mr. and Mrs. Pennywells’. The lorry coming out of Nestles factory honks at Mum. Lorries always honk at Mum.
    “Bastards,” she says.
    Grandad holds my hand cos of the traffic. Nanny walks side to side; she needs a hand behind her for going forward. We go long the pavement to where Mum’s under the bonnet. I wait for her to say f-off. She don’t say nothing. Airplane goes over and we all has to duck cos they uses Grandad’s chimney for finding the runway. Car int starting.
    “Have you any oil in it?” Grandad says.
    “I can’t tell, Dad, there isn’t a dipstick,” Mum says.
    Nanny’s voice goes up and down like a siren.
    “Bill, wiilll this do, Biiiiiilllllllll?” She’s waving a snapped-off branch of privet.
    “Nay, Roose,” Grandad says. Nanny’s name is Rose, that’s how come there’s a rosebush in the middle of the concrete garden, cept Grandad says it Newcastle. Mum gets back in the car, next thing it goes bang and she roars off down the road in a cloud of black smoke.
    “Head gaskit,” I says.
    I’m having poor man’s oysters with Grandad. First you cut the white off the fried egg. Then you get the yellow balanced on your knife and tip it in your mouth, you has to let it slide down your throat. Mine falls off the knife and drops splat on the plate, me and Grandad got some on us and Nanny’s dress hanging on the back of the door.
    “Oh Biiiiiiiiiillllllll. Biiiiiiiiiilllllllllllll.”
    Mum says Nanny was an opera singer once but now she’s a steric.
    “Roose,” Grandad says, “we can get the dress cleaned.”
    Nanny does her crying in the front winder so the Pennywells can see she int happy.
    “Sorry, Nanny,” I says.
    She dries her eyes on the curtains. I got egg on my eyelashes; Grandad says I got the touch of Juncty-Vitis; African Voodoo Doctor gives people eye infections when they don’t look at things proper.
    After we cleaned everything up Grandad goes in the sideboard.
    “We’ve been saving your presents for you, pet.” He puts them on the table all wrapped up in Christmas paper. I arsts him if I has to wait til Christmas.
    “Nay, pet, these are from last Christmas and the one before.”
    I open the big heavy one first. Africa it says. I turn the pages over, looks at the land and the animals in big shiny colors, and then comes the tribe peoples. On page 156 there I is,
got red cloth, spear and everything.
One time I seen a Masai on Grandad’s television.
    “Grandad,” I says, “when the new baby comes, spects I can carry him on my back.”
    I show him the African lady on page 205 .
    “Is Mummy having a baby, pet?” Grandad says.
    “Uh-huh. I arst Jesus for another brother, now Pip’s gone, don’t know if I’ll get one, Grandad.”
    “Isn’t Philip at home with Bryce?”
    “Pip’s gone.”
    “Where, pet, where has Philip gone to?”
    “France. A new baby is coming.”
    “Champion,” Grandad says. He looks sad about Pip.
    “Oh Biiiiiiilllllll,” Nanny says.
    So busy with my Africa book I forget to open the other presents. We save them til tomorrow. When I go to the toilet there is some newspapers there, so I tear some up and pack it in my pants. I know that Grandad pisses a lot,