My Miserable Life Read Online Free

go to Bull’s Eye, our favorite neighborhood store, especially when she had cash from Mom. We went straight to the Halloween section. It was well picked through, but among the stupid animal suits and pirates and wizards and vampires that Angelina said were “totally uncool,” I saw the perfect costume.
    It was a monster with a head that had been split in half so that part of the brain showed. Blood squirted out and ran down the inside of the mask when you squeezed this attached pump. The chest had been split open to reveal a large, bleeding plastic heart. The costume was SICK! I knew I had to have it. But by the time Angelina bought her pink catsuit with ears and tail, there was only enough money to get a monster head that looked like the cool one except it didn’t squirt blood.
    â€œYou owe me, Ben Hunter,” she said. “I got Mom to get you a new costume, and she made me take you instead of going with Twinkle and Amanda Panda. Plus, before you were born, I didn’t have to share my costume money with anyone.”

    So I had to settle, as usual. Monkeylad didn’t get a costume at all, but we figured he wouldn’t really care that much and he could wear his hot-dog bun from a few years ago.
    Angelina likes to play the older-sibling-who-didn’t-used-to-have-to-share card. Sometimes it makes me feel bad that I came along and ruined her life. This time it made me mad, because 1) this wasn’t her money, it was Mom’s, and 2) when Angelina was one and two years old, she couldn’t have really cared about how much her tiny pumpkin and Hey! Bunny Rabbit! Halloween costumes cost. Still, I let her get away with her shenanigans this time because if I were her, I would probably resent having me as a little brother, too.
    The story goes, when I was born, Angelina was really mad at my mom and me. Mom bought Angelina a purple teddy bear and had my grandma give it to her and say it was from me. That didn’t fool my sister. She knew that a new-born baby can’t go out and buy a teddy bear.
    When my mother brought me home, Angelina took one look at me and ran outside holding a plastic spoon. My mom followed her and took the spoon away. Angelina had bitten off a piece of it. My mom freaked out and made sure there weren’t any pieces of spoon in Angelina’s mouth. Then she asked why Angelina was so upset.
    â€œI’m having a hard time, Mommy,” two-year-old Angelina said. “I’m afraid the baby will take you away from me.” She had started speaking in long sentences when she was nine months old. I, on the other hand, took a long time to speak. Mostly I just liked to listen to my sister. Since we didn’t have TV, she was the best entertainment I could get.
    My mom tried to comfort Angelina, but my sister never seemed to have recovered from the trauma of me being born. She would pull my shirts up and poke my fat belly, saying, “Touch, baby! Touch! Touch!” When my mom told her to stop, she said she was just trying to teach me words. No wonder it took me so long to talk.

 
    CHAPTER 5
    THE HALLOWEEN FAIRY IS EVIL
    The night after the Candy Corn Carnival, I heard shouting and knocking. I went to the door and looked through the peephole. The Grump from next door was standing there. Monkeylad was next to him with something gross in his mouth.
    â€œThat dog stole my cake,” said the Grump. “This is the last straw. If you don’t do something about that dog, I will call the authorities.”

    â€œI’m so sorry, Mr.…,” my mom said. I didn’t feel so bad about calling him the Grump if she didn’t even know his name.
    I felt like a Grump, too. Monkeylad had tried to help me, but I couldn’t eat that piece of cake he’d brought. It had dog teeth marks all over it.
    Angelina and her friends were going to have a Halloween party at Twinkle Knoll’s house. Twinkle Knoll has five brothers and sisters who all