Not Another Soldier Read Online Free

guess. I can’t
wait.”
    “That keen to get away from me, huh?”
    I smack his arm playfully. “Not from you, you idiot.
But definitely from the house, the army.  I really wasn’t a very good
military wife. The sooner I’m out of there the better.”
    “You could have been an amazing military wife. It’s
not like that for everyone, you know? You just need to find the right guy.”
    I gulp. “And it’s closer to work,” I add lamely,
ignoring his pointed comment.
    Was he inferring he was the right guy? God, maybe he
was, once. But I’m burned. I can’t do it again. I want to forget about this
part of my life and move on. Live like a normal person. No more moving and
worrying, and having to make new friends and sucking up to the officers. All
that rank crap. I hated it. It’s such an old fashioned notion. And some of the
wives…  you’d think they were the ones with the rank, not their husbands.
Most of them were okay, but one or two of them just spoiled it for the rest of
us.
    “I’ll come give you a hand moving your stuff,” he
offers.
    I nod. I feel bad but I need the help. Nick is too
generous and I’m going to have to figure out a way to pay him back someday.
Problem is, I can’t move my couch and big stuff on my own so I need a strong
guy. I don’t own enough furniture to warrant paying some moving men and putting
down the deposit on the apartment wiped me out. So I’m being extra careful with
my cash.
    Nick leads me over to a bench set back against the
woods and we sit. The silence is odd. Not uncomfortable, but strange in the way
it soothes me. I hear the kids screaming across the lake but it’s so low, I
just enjoy it. Normally Nick and I talk a lot but my emotions are so shot, I’m
incapable of normal conversation.
    “Thanks for being here, Nick,” I say quietly.
    “Where else would I be?”
    “I don’t know. Not hanging out with someone so
pathetic.”
    The numbness seems to be wearing off and I remember I
need to return to an empty house. I feel pathetic. Pathetic that I couldn’t
keep my husband happy. They say don’t blame yourself in relationships like we
had, but you can’t help it. You wonder why you weren’t good enough. What was it
that made them cheat and… and lash out.
    I swallow as a knot forms in my throat. It only
happened once. He was drunk, as usual, and I don’t even know what I did—maybe I
said something wrong—and the scariest expression I’ve ever seen came over his
handsome face. His dark eyes filled with utter hatred and his hands went about
my neck, crushing and painful.
    I kicked out at him, barely doing any damage but it
seemed to break his rage. Rob dropped me and stormed out. I’d planned to leave.
It was the breaking point. How did it go so wrong?
    A few days later the police came knocking, telling me
he was dead.
    “You’re not pathetic, Sienna. You’re an amazing woman.
You work hard and I know you worked hard at your marriage too. But it can only
work if both of you are putting in the time. Rob didn’t deserve you.”
    I glance at him, mouth slightly ajar. I swear this man
reads me better than anyone. His words make my heart swell at the same time as
bringing all my emotions to the surface. Tears sting and I can’t hold them
back. They trickle down my cheeks at first and then pour down. Nick takes me
immediately into his arms, presses my head against his warm chest. My tears are
probably making his shirt damp, but I can’t stop them.
    I can’t tell if it’s Rob’s death, my failed marriage
or my loss of confidence I’m crying for. It’s so many things. It’s how confused
I feel. It’s how weak I am. I let life take over and now I’ve got nothing left.
Life happened to me and my decisions crushed me. I wish I could start over.
    Nick’s cologne works through my tears and I inhale
deeply, though it comes out more of a snort. I’m beyond caring. I grip his arms
and continue to cry, small sobs this time. He’s murmuring things, I