Our Kingdom of Dust Read Online Free
Club, indefinitely. I was surprised they let me do that, actually. But I didn’t know how long I’d be there. All I knew was I had to be there, and that something… no, everything, had to change.
Chapter 2
The limo dropped me off at BWI. I checked my five bags and knocked back four Heinekens at the bar by the gate before boarding the plane, first class. Already drunk, I proceeded to order three more gin and tonics during the ninety minute flight to Orlando International. I stumbled off the plane and somehow made it onto the second-rate monorail to baggage claim, where a guy was supposed to be waiting to pick me up. I looked around, saw a bunch of dudes in suits and stupid hats, but was completely incapable of focusing on the writing on any of the signs. I panicked.
“My name is Blaine McKinnon!” I yelled at the top of my voice.
People turned to stare. Nobody said anything.
“I’m drunk and in need of a limo!”
A lady covered her kid’s ears. That pissed me off for some reason, so I yelled at her, louder still, “What’s your problem lady? I just need my fucking limo!”
Her kid, a cute little girl dressed as Snow White, smiled innocently. I twirled around like a fucking ballerina, pulled out my wallet, and handed the kid $100.
“Shazam!” I said to the kid. “Put it in savings for the therapy you’ll need after having this bitch as a mother.”
The mother gasped, the kid giggled, and I twirled again, tried to jump and click my heels together, and fell flat on my face. I heard some claps and laughter, so I stood up, bowed, and was suddenly whisked off my feet by a large pair of hands. I was being held sideways by a thick arm. The black coat sleeve was pushed up and I saw Princess Jasmine staring at me. I puked on black, shiny, patent leather shoes and promptly passed out.
Chapter 3
An article I found on Google a few days later:
“Tattooed Disney Fan Reveals Incredible Memorabilia Collection”
From the Orlando Sentinel, February 21, 2007
Easily one of the most widely recognized and infamous Disney Fans, Jason “Jay” Montgomery, better known among Cast Members and Guests as “The Disney Tattoo Guy”, has made headlines around the world for his stunning Disney tattoos. They cover nearly every inch of his body aside from his hands and face - altogether he has over 1600 separate tattoos, ranging from Disney characters such as Mickey and Goofy, to pictures of ride vehicles, to a Cast Member nametag on his upper left chest.
But Jay’s love of Disney doesn’t just extend to tattoos. He has a massive museum-quality collection of Disney memorabilia that he’s spent years acquiring. It numbers over 20,000 pieces and according to Jay is worth millions.
“The Disney Family is gathering artifacts for a museum they’re going to open,” smiles Jay as he tells one of his favorite stories. “They’d heard I had in my collection a rare 16mm wartime Disney Studios short that they simply couldn’t find in their archives. I was happy to lend it to them for duplication….” He grins again. “For a price, of course!”
Jay gives off the impression of being a big kid. He never uses profanity, and speaks with a childish lilt. But he’s a big burly man with a trim moustache and a horseshoe-shaped hairline, and he strikes quite a form in his immaculately pressed navy blue suit. However, it’s when the clothes come off that his passion and devotion to Disney becomes apparent.
“I don’t have any on my face or hands because I’m a limo driver and they want their drivers to look professional,” says Jay. “But everywhere else is fair game! I even have them on my private parts,” he admits. “Took a while to find someone who would do that for me!”
When asked what Disney artwork he has on his “private parts”, Jay becomes coy. “That’s only for my special ladyfriends to find out,” he says. His grin turns downwards. “So far there have been two wives. They
Chapter 2
The limo dropped me off at BWI. I checked my five bags and knocked back four Heinekens at the bar by the gate before boarding the plane, first class. Already drunk, I proceeded to order three more gin and tonics during the ninety minute flight to Orlando International. I stumbled off the plane and somehow made it onto the second-rate monorail to baggage claim, where a guy was supposed to be waiting to pick me up. I looked around, saw a bunch of dudes in suits and stupid hats, but was completely incapable of focusing on the writing on any of the signs. I panicked.
“My name is Blaine McKinnon!” I yelled at the top of my voice.
People turned to stare. Nobody said anything.
“I’m drunk and in need of a limo!”
A lady covered her kid’s ears. That pissed me off for some reason, so I yelled at her, louder still, “What’s your problem lady? I just need my fucking limo!”
Her kid, a cute little girl dressed as Snow White, smiled innocently. I twirled around like a fucking ballerina, pulled out my wallet, and handed the kid $100.
“Shazam!” I said to the kid. “Put it in savings for the therapy you’ll need after having this bitch as a mother.”
The mother gasped, the kid giggled, and I twirled again, tried to jump and click my heels together, and fell flat on my face. I heard some claps and laughter, so I stood up, bowed, and was suddenly whisked off my feet by a large pair of hands. I was being held sideways by a thick arm. The black coat sleeve was pushed up and I saw Princess Jasmine staring at me. I puked on black, shiny, patent leather shoes and promptly passed out.
Chapter 3
An article I found on Google a few days later:
“Tattooed Disney Fan Reveals Incredible Memorabilia Collection”
From the Orlando Sentinel, February 21, 2007
Easily one of the most widely recognized and infamous Disney Fans, Jason “Jay” Montgomery, better known among Cast Members and Guests as “The Disney Tattoo Guy”, has made headlines around the world for his stunning Disney tattoos. They cover nearly every inch of his body aside from his hands and face - altogether he has over 1600 separate tattoos, ranging from Disney characters such as Mickey and Goofy, to pictures of ride vehicles, to a Cast Member nametag on his upper left chest.
But Jay’s love of Disney doesn’t just extend to tattoos. He has a massive museum-quality collection of Disney memorabilia that he’s spent years acquiring. It numbers over 20,000 pieces and according to Jay is worth millions.
“The Disney Family is gathering artifacts for a museum they’re going to open,” smiles Jay as he tells one of his favorite stories. “They’d heard I had in my collection a rare 16mm wartime Disney Studios short that they simply couldn’t find in their archives. I was happy to lend it to them for duplication….” He grins again. “For a price, of course!”
Jay gives off the impression of being a big kid. He never uses profanity, and speaks with a childish lilt. But he’s a big burly man with a trim moustache and a horseshoe-shaped hairline, and he strikes quite a form in his immaculately pressed navy blue suit. However, it’s when the clothes come off that his passion and devotion to Disney becomes apparent.
“I don’t have any on my face or hands because I’m a limo driver and they want their drivers to look professional,” says Jay. “But everywhere else is fair game! I even have them on my private parts,” he admits. “Took a while to find someone who would do that for me!”
When asked what Disney artwork he has on his “private parts”, Jay becomes coy. “That’s only for my special ladyfriends to find out,” he says. His grin turns downwards. “So far there have been two wives. They
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