Secret Society Read Online Free

went jumping to conclusions, I waited for James to finish.
    “Then dude said yall names, Tina and Ce-fuckin’less. Yo, say it ain’t so, Celess,” James pleaded.
    “What?” I yelled. “A man? That is some insane shit, James. I can’t believe you’re bringing me this high drama!” I was trying to play it off. I didn’t know what else to do.
    “But yo right, I started thinking,” James said, “and we never fucked in the light. And you always make me hit it from the back. What? I be puttin’ it in ya ass? And yo, you ain’t never ask me to eat you out or nothin’.”
    “If I remember correctly, you told me you didn’t eat pussy!” I shot back at him.
    “Yeah, but I tell every joon that and it don’t keep them from asking me to make an exception. Just tell me what the fuck is goin’ on, please.”
    James sounded like he was going to cry. I was actually starting to feel bad. I never thought I would have to come clean to anybody before. I thought it would either come down to them finding out during sex and liking it so much that they wouldn’t care, or I would stop dealing with them before they could ever figure it out. Tina didn’t school me to this part of the game. I didn’t know whether to continue denying it or just apologize and beg for his forgiveness. I knew that I would not be able to get away with denying it because as soon as he came back to Philly he would be checking for a penis. So I decided to just tell him the truth.
    “Look, James, I’m sorry,” I started out, then I immediately started crying.
    “You bitch! You fuckin’ dirty bitch! How the fuck could you do this shit to me, Celess? Is ya fuckin’ name even Celess?”
    “James, I’m so sorry. I knew you wouldn’t have got with me if you knew, and I was feeling you,” I whined.
    “Bitch, is you crazy? You damn right I wouldn’t have got with you! You a fuckin’ man! I’m not fuckin’ gay! You’s a crazy bitch! You know what yo, don’t fuckin’ call me! If you see me anywhere, don’t fuckin’ say shit to me! If you even fuckin’ look my way I will fuckin’ hurt you! I swear to God!”
    Click.
    I held the phone to my ear even after James had hung up. I listened to the dial tone while I cried and felt sorry for myself. I knew I should not have done that to James and he was the one who deserved sympathy, but this made me realize that I would never sincerely get what I wanted. I would never be a woman, no matter how dressed up I got or how much makeup I wore or how many hormones I took.
    I needed to get out of the house. I needed a drink. I called Tina.
    “What? Well, who the fuck told him that? Who in the NBA found out about us?” Tina asked.
    We were in her black-on-black GS 400, a gift from her white friend Derrek, on our way to Main Street in Manayunk.
    “I don’t know. I didn’t ask him all that,” I said, still crying.
    “Girl, wipe your eyes. Don’t be crying over no man. Shit, James was the brokest of the three, anyway,” she said frankly.
    “That’s not the point, though, Tina,” I explained. “I really hurt him. He sounded like he was going to cry.”
    “Well, you know what, they do it to women all the time, play with their hearts. He’ll get over it.”
    “But what you gonna do about Khalil?”
    “What about Khalil?”
    “You know James is gonna tell him, if he didn’t already,” I explained.
    “Khalil is doin’ time. James ain’t gonna be in touch with him for a minute. Especially with James going to the NBA, him and Khalil will probably lose touch.”
    Tina had all the answers, but she didn’t understand. Yeah, she’d been dressing up since she was fourteen, but she never been in my or James’s situation before. She never even came close to a guy finding out about her. Hell, when I met her I thought she was a girl. It was ninth grade. We had a class together. She was dressed so fly. I admired her. I was still playing a straight role to a certain extent. I dressed like a regular guy. I