Selby Speaks Read Online Free

Tina! What is she doing here? I thought she was still in darkest Scotland! Oh no! Aunt Jetty must have brought her back! Heeeeeeeeelllllllllllp!”
    “Roooaaarrr! Arrrrrr!” Tina snarled and her two teeth clicked so fast as she lunged for Selby’s feet that it sounded like a high-speed knitting contest.
    Selby jumped in the air as she snapped and snapped until he found himself dancing from foot to foot with his front legs still over his head. Then suddenly Tina sat back on her haunches and watched.
    “What
is
she doing?” Selby thought, still jumping furiously from foot to foot. “I know! She thinks I’m a Scottish dancer doing a highland fling.”

    Selby grapped a piece of cardboard from the ground without missing a step and held it to his waist with one paw to make it look like a kilt as homesick tears formed in Tina’s big round eyes.
    “The Campbells are coming …” Selby sang and his feet hammered the ground in a frenzied blur. “And I’ve got to be going because I can’t
(puff)
keep this up much longer. Heaven’s above, how am I going
(puff)
to get out of here with all my toes?”
    Just then something strange and snakelike slipped gently around Selby’s waist. It was Terrence Tusk’s trunk reaching in from the next cage and soon Selby was lifted high in the air.
    “I’ll take the high road,” Selby sang as he was lowered to the safety of the elephant’s cage, “and Tina can have the low road. Phew! Thanks Terry. You rescued me just in time. One more minute and that highland fling would have been my last fling.”

The Diabolical Disappearing Dog
    It was one of those days when Mrs Trifle would gladly have given someone else the job of being mayor of Bogusville. The day went from catastrophe to catastrophe and crisis to crisis and then — to make matters worse — in dashed international daredevil superstar Awful Knoffle.
    “Mrs Mayor, ya gotta give me permission to leap Gumboot Gorge,” Awful Knoffle pleaded, holding up a photo of himself jumping seventy-two school buses on his motorcycle. “Nobody’sever done it before. From the moment I saw it I knew I had to be the first. It’s just a
gorgeous
gorge. Ha ha ha ha ha.”
    “I’d hate to have you land in Bogusville Hospital. As I recall you didn’t quite make it over the seventy-second school bus and you crashed and broke every bone in your body,” Mrs Trifle said.
    “Yeah, well, I don’t remember much about that but Gumboot Gorge will be a snap. I can do it!” Awful said, pounding the mayor’s desk with his fist and hitting her sandwiches by mistake.
    “If there was anything I could do to keep you from this crazy scheme of yours, I would,” Mrs Trifle said. “But as it happens, Gumboot Gorge isn’t in Bogusville so you can do as you like and I can’t prevent you.”
    “Aawl riiiiiiight! Why am I wasting my time talking to you then? I’ve got a gorge to jump!” Awful said, dashing for the door just as Dudley Dewmop, Bogusville’s short-sighted, part-time dog-catcher stumbled in.
    “I’ve got him! I finally caught the phantom pooch!” Dudley screamed as he threw a hessianbag with a large lump in it on the carpet. “Every night for weeks I’ve heard that unmistakable baying — Oooooooooo. Oooooooooo,” Dudley howled at the ceiling. “But I finally caught him with my Handy-Dandy Telescoping Sleeve Net.” With this a long pole with a net on the end shot out of his sleeve and captured Mrs Trifle’s squashed sandwiches.
    “Dudley!” Mrs Trifle said grabbing what was left of the sandwiches from Dudley’s net. “What are you talking about and exactly what is in that bag?”
    “It’s him!” Dudley said, throwing open the bag to reveal a rather embarrassed Selby who wasn’t having much of a day either. “The phantom pooch! The mystery mutt! The diabolical disappearing dog that howls in the night and keeps everyone awake! I’ve caught him!”
    “That’s no disappearing dog. That’s my dog, Selby,” Mrs Trifle